您现在的位置: 纽约时报中英文网 >> 纽约时报中英文版 >> 观点 >> 正文


更新时间:2018-1-13 9:00:17 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

New Year’s Resolutions Versus New Year’s Realities

New Year’s Resolution: Read great literature!


New Year’s Reality: Outmaneuver an elderly woman to nab your bookstore’s last copy of “Fire and Fury.” Continue to use “Middlemarch” as a coaster.

新年现实:比某位老太太更快一步抢到书店里的最后一本《炮火与怒火》(Fire and Fury)。继续把《米德尔马契》(Middlemarch)当做杯垫。

New Year’s Resolution: Remain active in the Resistance!


New Year’s Reality: Call your senator exactly once and hang up when put on hold. Then reward yourself by watching Season 2 of “The Crown” in a single sitting.

新年现实:打给你所在州的参议员,就打一次,要是让你等待接听就挂电话了。然后奖励自己可以一次性看完《王冠》(The Crown)的第二季。

New Year’s Resolution: Exercise daily!


New Year’s Reality: Pay well over $150 a month for a luxury gym. Then hunch over your keyboard for 12 hours a day. When you notice your back hurts, sink deeper into your office chair and accept your early-onset arthritis. This is your life now.


New Year’s Resolution: Make healthy dinners with nary a carbohydrate in sight!


New Year’s Reality: Spend two hours poring over old Mark Bittman easy weeknight recipes. Go so far as to draw up a grocery list for a simple salmon dinner. Then log on to Seamless and order chicken fingers with extra honey mustard. Allow yourself an order of onion rings because your period is in two weeks and you’re definitely PMS-ing. When you don’t hit the minimum order amount, throw in three cans of regular Coke. Blame society’s blinkered beauty standards for the fact that your pants no longer zip.

新年现实:花上两个小时仔细研究那本旧的马克·比特曼(Mark Bittman)工作日晚餐简易菜谱。你看得如此入迷,以至于为了一道简单的三文鱼餐列出了一整张购物清单。然后你登陆了Seamless外卖网站,点上两个加了双倍蜂蜜芥末酱的鸡柳。再允许自己点一份洋葱圈,因为还有两周你就要来月经了,现在绝对有经前综合症。要是达不到起送价,再加三罐普通可乐。如果你的裤子拉链又拉不上了,就怪到这个社会狭隘的审美标准头上吧。

New Year’s Resolution: Get out of your comfort zone!


New Year’s Reality: Recoil when encountering a viewpoint you find offensive at a party. Leave immediately and seek refuge scrolling through your Facebook feed in bed. Tell yourself that this will make a great think piece.


New Year’s Resolution: Download a mindfulness app!


New Year’s Reality: Put the app on the fourth screen of your iPhone, right next to “stocks” and “wallet.” Then proceed to download Tinder and delete it the next day. Repeat indefinitely.


New Year’s Resolution: Order a print newspaper subscription because democracy dies in darkness!


New Year’s Reality: Read the news on Twitter. Let the papers pile up and throw them out with the regular garbage.


New Year’s Resolution: Indulge yourself by soaking in the tub!


New Year’s Reality: Close your eyes and breathe in the aroma of the lavender bath crystals you got at the farmers market. Praise yourself for buying local. Breathe out and open your eyes to a deep gray ring in your tub. Cringe. Order a six-pack of magic erasers on Amazon.


New Year’s Resolution: Keep a journal!


New Year’s Reality: Text GIFs compulsively while your Moleskine remains untouched on your nightstand. One frustrating day at work, turn to it to vent, but stop yourself because the creamy paper doesn’t deserve your negativity.


New Year’s Resolution: Buy essential oils!


New Year’s Reality: Type the following into Google: “What are essential oils and what do they do and how do I use them.” Toss them under your sink.


New Year’s Resolution: Get eight hours of sleep!


New Year’s Reality: … If you have the time after reading the full Wikipedia entries for Watergate and Charles Manson, then watching three makeup tutorials and a “West Wing” episode on your laptop. Remember: Using your phone 15 minutes before bedtime can mess up your R.E.M. sleep.

新年现实:……如果你在电脑上读完了维基百科上收录的水门事件和查尔斯·曼森(Charles Manson)的所有词条,再看完三集美妆教程和一集《白宫风云》(The West Wing)后还有时间的话。记住:上床睡觉前15分钟用手机会打乱你的快速眼动(REM)睡眠。

New Year’s Resolution: Stop comparing yourself to your friends!


New Year’s Reality: Stare at your best friend’s engagement ring. Really stare at it. It’s so big and gorgeous. Flashy, really. Frankly, it’s inappropriate.


New Year’s Resolution: Walk to work!


New Year’s Reality: Put on your sneakers and venture out. Become convinced that you’re getting frostbite after four blocks, which, conveniently, is the location of your favorite coffee shop. Stop in for a croissant and a cappuccino. Order an Uber.


New Year’s Resolution: Delete Uber!


New Year’s Reality: Who are you kidding?