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父母该如何保护孩子免遭性侵?

更新时间:2017-11-26 11:24:32 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

What Parents Can Do to Help Keep Their Children Safe From Assault
父母该如何保护孩子免遭性侵?

They are public officials, celebrities, coaches, doctors, teachers: adults in positions of authority who are accused of sexually assaulting minors. In many of the cases, the perpetrators were men the kids knew well and the children frequently felt unable to report it.

公共官员、名人、教练、医生、老师,这些被控性侵未成年人的,都是有权威地位的成年人。很多案例中,案犯是孩子们非常熟悉的人,他们常常觉得难以启齿。

Parents may have a sense of panic that the problem is getting worse. But in fact, some of the cases now making news aren’t new at all: Some of the accusations against Roy Moore, the Republican running for Senate in Alabama, stem from the 1970s.

对于这个问题日渐恶化,家长们可能会有一种恐慌感。但实际上,一些在当下成为新闻的案例一点都不新鲜:对在亚拉巴马州竞选参议员的共和党人罗伊·摩尔(Roy Moore)的部分指控源自70年代。

Over the past 25 years, the overall rate of reported cases of sexual abuse of children in the United States has actually declined by 65 percent, according to research conducted by David Finkelhor, director of the Crimes Against Children Research Center and professor of sociology at the University of New Hampshire. Dr. Finkelhor attributes the decline to several factors, not the least of which are a growing awareness of the problem and an increase in education and training surrounding the identification and prevention of sexual assault.

据涉童犯罪研究中心(Crimes Against Children Research Center)主任、新罕布什尔大学(University of New Hampshire)社会学教授戴维·芬克霍尔(David Finkelhor)介绍,过去25年,美国报案的性虐儿童案件总体比率实际下降了65%。芬克霍尔将其归功于多个因素,尤其是对这个问题的认识逐渐增强,以及围绕发现和防范性侵犯的教育和培训增加。

“It’s not like we are having a new epidemic, but it looks like this new awareness is resulting in some improvement of the situation,” Dr. Finkelhor said.

“不是说我们面临一个泛滥成灾的新问题,而是这种新的认识令情况得到了一定的改善,”芬克霍尔说。

An estimated 90 percent of the perpetrators of child sexual abuse are people the child knows, with 30 percent being family members. Just 10 percent are strangers.

据估计,90%的儿童性虐待案犯是熟人,其中30%是家人。陌生人仅占10%。

What can parents do to help keep their kids as safe as possible?

父母怎么才能帮助让孩子尽可能安全?

Teach Body Awareness Early

尽早进行身体意识的教育

As your child is learning to talk, use the real names of body parts and genitals during diaper changes or bath time — and let them know that no one should touch their private parts other than a parent, caregiver or doctor. Further, in those instances, explain that the touch should be brief, and in the case of a doctor visit, a parent or other adult should be present.

在孩子咿呀学步时,就要在换尿布或洗澡时使用身体部位和生殖器的真实名称,并让他们知道,除了父母、私人看护和医生外,谁都不能触碰他们的私密部位。还要进一步解释,父母、私人看护和医生的触碰应该是短暂的,并且如果是看医生,应该有父母或其他成年人在场。

“It’s never too early to teach children that their body belongs to them,” said Debby Herbenick, a professor of public health at Indiana University and a fellow at the Kinsey Institute. For instance, when you tickle your kids and they tell you to stop, you stop. The same applies to physical affection. “Sometimes parents think they have to make their kids hug or kiss relatives, but they don’t. You can suggest it but if the child says ‘no,’ just leave it at that, which teaches kids that how they give affection is their choice to make and not something they have to do to make somebody else feel good or happy — or do out of obligation,” Dr. Herbenick said.

“越早教孩子他们的身体属于他们自己越好,”印第安纳大学(Indiana University)公共卫生教授、金赛研究所(Kinsey Institute)研究员黛比·赫尔贝尼克(Debby Herbenick)说。比如,当你胳肢孩子,孩子让你住手时,就住手。这一点同样适用于用身体表达爱意。“有时候,家长觉得必须让孩子拥抱或亲吻亲戚,但孩子不愿意。你可以提出建议,但如果孩子拒绝就算了。这会教孩子明白,如何表达喜爱由他们自己决定,不是为了让其他人感到舒服或高兴,或是出于义务而不得不做的事情,” 赫尔贝尼克博士说。

Once your child requests privacy in the bathroom or while changing, grant it, said Wendy Mogel, a psychologist and author. “This communicates the concept of dignity, enables children to discern what’s appropriate and what’s not, and it teaches them independence and agency over their own bodies,” she said.

心理学家兼作家温迪·莫格尔(Wendy Mogel)说,一旦孩子在洗澡或换衣服时提出隐私要求,就答应他们。“这表达了一种尊重的概念,让孩子能够区分什么合适,什么不合适,并教会他们,他们的身体是独立的,由他们自己掌控,”她说。

Help Kids Listen to Their Intuition and Act on It

帮助孩子听从自己的直觉并依其行事

“We tend to emphasize manners to kids, but when they are in a situation where they’re starting to feel uncomfortable, they often don’t feel they have the power to be rude and leave,” Dr. Mogel said.

“我们往往会向孩子强调礼仪,但在他们开始觉得不舒服的情况下,他们往往会觉得自己不可以表现得无礼或者离开,”莫格尔博士说。

So she suggests role-playing with your kids — pretend to be a neighbor with a litter of kittens to show them. “I’d remind them that they didn’t have to be polite or even answer if a situation felt wrong to them. They could simply run and report to a safe adult.”

因此,她建议和孩子玩角色扮演,假装是拿一窝小猫给孩子们看的邻居。“我会提醒他们,如果觉得情况不对,他们不用保持礼貌,甚至不用答话。他们可以尽管跑开并告诉可靠的成年人。”

Role-playing helps give children a script for awkward conversations, Dr. Finkelhor said. “Kids can find it hard to articulate, ‘I need to go home’ or ‘You can’t touch me that way,’ and having practiced saying those strong messages makes them more likely to be able to do it when needed.”

角色扮演有助于给孩子提供一个应对令人尴尬对话的剧本,芬克霍尔博士说。“孩子可能会觉得‘我要回家’或‘你不能那样摸我’难以说出口,练习说这些强硬的话可以增加他们在需要的时候能够说出来的可能性。”

Dr. Finkelhor added that it’s necessary to talk with young people not only about the possibility of becoming victims but also about becoming offenders because population surveys have found that about half of sexual abuse offenders are juveniles.

芬克霍尔博士还表示,有必要不仅和孩子讨论成为受害者的可能性,还要和他们讨论成为施害者的可能,因为人口调查发现,约一半的性侵犯的施予方是青少年。

Another thing parents can do: Assure your kids that their feelings are valid. “We live in a culture in which girls and boys tend to put down each other’s feelings,” said Rachel Simmons, co-founder of Girls Leadership. “It’s up to us to say, ‘I believe your feelings and you should too,’ because self advocacy can only happen when you authorize your own feelings.”

家长还可以做的另一件事是向孩子保证,他们的感觉是正确的。“我们生活在一种男孩女孩都倾向于压抑对方感受的文化中,”《女孩领导力》(Girls Leadership)的联合创始人蕾切尔·西蒙斯(Rachel Simmons)说。“我们应该对他们说,‘我相信你的感觉,你也应该相信’,因为只有当你认可自己的感受时,才能维护自己的权益。”

Make Clear You’re There for Support

让孩子知道你的支持

It’s crucial to tell your child that if somebody makes her uncomfortable or touches her inappropriately, she can tell you and she won’t be in trouble. Often children have been told by the perpetrator that nobody will believe them if they tell, they will lose their social status, they will be blamed or that they will give up what may seem like a special relationship with the offender, said Dr. Tara Harris, medical director of the Pediatric Center of Hope at Riley Hospital for Children at Indiana University Health.

这一点很重要:告诉孩子,如果有人让她不舒服或碰了不该碰的地方,她是可以告诉你的,她不会因此有麻烦。侵犯者往往会跟孩子说,如果他们说出去,没人会相信他们,他们会被社会看不起、会受到责备,将放弃他们与侵犯者之间这种看似特殊的关系,美国印第安纳大学医学院赖利儿童医院(Riley Hospital for Children at Indiana University Health)儿童性侵害诊所“希望儿科中心”(Pediatric Center of Hope)的塔拉·哈里斯(Tara Harris)博士说道。

Explain to your children that they can talk to you and you will not judge or blame them and will do all you can to protect them. And get a medical exam, both to help take care of the child and to record any evidence.

告诉你的孩子,他们可以和你说,你不会评判或责怪他们,而是会尽你一切所能去保护他们。并且要做一次体检,这既是为了爱护孩子,也是为了记录证据。

Reporting abuse can be particularly difficult for a child when the perpetrator is an admired member of the community (like a teacher or a coach) who may appear to have power over a child’s future.

对孩子来说,如果侵犯者是社会上受尊敬的人(如教师或教练)——这些似乎能掌控孩子未来的人,要报告侵害则尤其困难。

“This is an opportunity for parents to say that I’m going to stand with you — and that no success and no opportunity is worth the violations that you’re experiencing,” Ms. Simmons said.

“这是父母发声的机会:我会和你站在一起——不论是什么成功,什么机会,都不值得用你现在所承受的侵犯去换取。”西蒙斯说道。

Be Aware of Your Child’s Behavior

留意孩子的行为

“The nature of the newsfeed has made the probabilities of danger seem wildly skewed in parents’ minds and they imagine that if they let their child out of their sight for one second without implanting a GPS tracker in their head, they’re going to be assaulted, molested or abducted that day — and that is highly unlikely,” Dr. Mogel said.

“新闻推送的性质极度扭曲了父母眼中危险出现的概率。如果孩子身上没有植入GPS定位跟踪器,离开视线一秒,父母都会去想孩子今天是不是会被侵犯、骚扰或被绑架——这几乎不大可能,”莫格尔博士说。

Still, within reason, keep tabs on your child’s life. “I encourage parents to have the rule that phones and electronic devices stay in the parents’ room at night,” Dr. Harris said. “Kids should be sleeping, not playing on their phone at night; and that’s usually when people text kids in inappropriate ways.” Monitoring late-night communications can be a way to prevent questionable relationships from developing.

然而,在合理范围内,孩子的生活需要得到密切关注。“我鼓励父母立下这个规定:晚上要把手机和电子设备放在父母房间,”哈里斯博士说。“孩子晚上应该睡觉,而不是玩手机;人们通常在晚上给孩子发不适当的内容。”监视夜间交流是预防可疑关系发展的一种方法。

Also, find out what policies your child’s school or camp has regarding sexual assault. And urge kids to follow a buddy system. “There shouldn’t be one adult taking a child to a bathroom alone and there’s no reason your child can’t grab a friend to come along,” Dr. Harris said. “Let your school or camp know that your family follows this buddy system, which puts the organization on notice that you talk about body safety and your child knows about these things — and that’s an extra barrier that may slow someone down who might have targeted that child.”

此外,了解孩子所在的学校或营地对性侵犯有什么政策。并督促孩子遵守结伴制度。“不该由一个成年人单独带一个小孩去卫生间的情况,也没理由不让孩子拉上一个朋友一起,”哈里斯博士说。“让孩子的学校或营地知道你们家遵守着这种结伴制度,这就是在提醒机构,你是讲过身体安全的,孩子也是知道这些事情的——这条额外的防线或许能阻拦某个盯上了这个孩子的人。”

If you do notice signs of distress in your child, take it seriously. “If your child suddenly becomes more withdrawn or is spending more time alone in their room, talk with them about it,” Dr. Herbenick said. “Let them know, ‘I’m noticing this about you and I want to make sure you’re O.K.’”

如果你注意到孩子确有不适,请认真对待。“如果孩子突然比以往自闭,或一个人在房内独处的时间更多,请与他们谈谈,”赫本尼克博士说。“让他们知道,‘我注意到你的问题了,我想确保你没事’。”

If your child discloses an assault, don’t dismiss it. “One of the biggest factors in how a child recovers from what happened is the reaction they get when they tell an adult,” Dr. Harris said.

如果你的孩子透露受到了侵犯,请不要不予理会。“孩子从发生的事情中恢复得如何,最重要的因素之一是他们在告诉大人之后,他们从大人身上得到的反应,”哈里斯博士说。

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