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在中国,上一堂约会培训课

更新时间:2017-11-20 19:05:38 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

In China, an Education in Dating
在中国,上一堂约会培训课

JINAN, China — Zhang Zhenxiao is 27 years old. He has never been in a relationship. He has never kissed a woman.

中国济南——27岁的张振霄从没谈过一次恋爱,从没吻过一个女人。

Now, Mr. Zhang is ready for love — but like many men in China, he doesn’t know where to begin.

现在,张振霄已经准备好恋爱了——但和很多中国男性一样,他不知道从哪下手。

So Mr. Zhang turned to a dating coach. The “Fall in Love Emotional Education” school, which caters to straight men, has taught him how to groom himself, approach a woman and flirt his way into her smartphone contacts.

因此,张振霄找了一个约会教练帮忙。为异性恋男性服务的“爱上情感教育”学校教他如何收拾打扮自己,如何与女性接触,如何轻松进入她的手机通讯录。

“There are many people who lack the ability to have a relationship,” said Mr. Zhang, who enrolled in a three-day course during a weeklong holiday in October. “Many times, it’s not that there’s something wrong with us. It’s that we don’t know what details to pay attention to.”

“我觉得可能好多人都缺乏一种就是恋爱的能力吧,”十月国庆长假时参加了一个三日课程的张振霄说。“好多时候并不是我们自己不好,而是我们不知道这里边是不是有什么细节上的东西需要注意。”

While dating is hard everywhere, it is arguably worse for Chinese men looking for a woman. In 2016, there were about 33.6 million more men than women in China, according to the government.

虽然约会在哪里都很难,但对中国求偶男性来说可谓情况更糟。据官方统计,2016年,中国男性比女性多了3360万人。

“They are caught in a very difficult situation, especially for those with no money,” said Li Yinhe, a prominent scholar of sexuality in China.

“他们陷入了一个很困难的这个境地,尤其是那种,就是自身条件比较差的男生,他就更加的困难,”中国著名的性学专家李银河说。

For decades, Chinese marriages were arranged through matchmakers or families. In some places, parents still post the résumés of their single children on trees and lampposts.

几十年来,中国婚姻都是靠媒人说媒或家庭包办。在一些地方,父母还会在树上或路灯上贴单身子女的简历。

Marriage was utilitarian, done so people could start a family. Even when the notion of “freedom to love” became popular after 1950, there were few social venues for people to snuggle and mingle. Until the late 1990s, sex outside marriage was illegal.

婚姻曾是功利的,以组建家庭为目的。即使在1950年“自由恋爱”的观念开始流行后,也鲜有场合可供人们社交。直到90年代末,婚外性行为仍是违法的。

Mr. Zhang’s dating coach, Zhang Mindong, said he was once like the men he teaches. A self-professed loser, or “diaosi,” Zhang Mindong said he suffered a painful breakup in 2012. He turned to the internet to find solutions and discovered the term “pick-up artist.”

张振霄的约会教练张敏东说,自己曾经也像这些学生一样。自称“屌丝”的张敏东说他在2012年时曾经历过一次痛苦的分手。他上网寻求解决办法,发现了“把妹达人”这个词。

Zhang Mindong started his school in the eastern city of Jinan in 2014, which he now runs with Cui Yihao, 25, and Fan Long, 29. Their services range from $45 for an online course to about $3,000 for one-on-one coaching. Similar schools have opened in several Chinese cities in recent years.

2014年,张敏东在东部城市济南开设了这所学校,现在与25岁的崔逸豪和29岁的范龙一起管理。他们的服务收费从45美元(约合290人民币)的网上课程到3000美元(约合19500人民币)的一对一指导不等。近几年来,中国其他几个城市也出现了类似学校。

The number of students who take offline courses at “Fall in Love Emotional Education” has grown from one in 2014, to more than 300 now, according to Zhang Mindong. About 90 percent of graduates end up with girlfriends, he said.

据张敏东说,在“爱上情感教育”线下上课的学生从2014年的1人增长到了现在的300人。他表示,有90%的毕业学员都找到了女朋友。

At the October session, there was Yu Ruitong, a 23-year-old software developer who had three previous relationships; Ye Chaoqun, a 27-year-old small business owner who is hoping to make the woman he likes fall in love with him; and James Zhang, a 30-year-old cancer doctor who is looking to expand the circle of women he knows. Both Mr. Ye and James Zhang have returned to polish what they learned earlier — this time free of charge.

学习十月份课程的还有谈过3次恋爱的23岁软件工程师于瑞桐、想让自己心仪女孩爱上自己的27岁小老板叶超群,还有一个想要扩大女性朋友圈的30岁肿瘤医生詹姆斯·张(James Zhang)。叶超群和詹姆斯·张都是回炉精进之前所学——这次是免费。

To show his students what they were up against, Zhang Mindong held up a profile of an attractive woman on a dating app that had garnered “likes” from 7,000 men. “This is the environment in China,” he said.

为了让学生们了解他们的竞争对手,张敏东出示了一个漂亮女人在约会软件上的资料,这份资料有7000个男人“点赞”。“这就是中国的环境,”他说。

In the first hour, Zhang Mindong proclaimed them sartorial disasters. Most of the first day was devoted to improving dress. (“Narrow collars, sleeves should be folded up above the elbow and trousers should be fitted.”) They bought clothes and got haircuts.

在第一个小时,张敏东就指出他们的着装灾难。第一天基本上都花在改善穿着上了。(“窄领,袖子要卷到手肘上,裤子要合身。”)他们去买了衣服,剪了头发。

“After getting into a relationship with a woman, many Chinese men let themselves go. They don’t wash their hair, change their clothes and become really dirty,” said Zhang Mindong, who was wearing hip glasses and a fitted white shirt.

“很多中国的男性就是说跟女生谈恋爱之后,就说不会去拾捯自己了,头发也不洗,衣服也不换,他们就会变得非常的邋遢,”戴着时尚眼镜,穿着合身衬衫的张敏东说。

“But that’s not the case for women, and this is why so many Chinese men can’t have a long-term relationship.”

“那么其实女性是不会这样的,所以说这导致很多中国男性这个无法得到长期的一段恋情的原因。”

The makeovers are followed by the students posing for photos — reading Stephen Hawking’s “A Brief History of Time,” sipping tea and nibbling canapés presented in a silver bird cage, looking pensively out a window. That culminated in selfies with Wang Zhen, a female friend of Mr. Cui’s.

大改造后紧跟着的是让学生摆姿势拍照——读着霍金(Stephen Hawking)的《时间简史》(A Brief History of Time),细细品茗,吃着放在银鸟笼里的点心,若有所思地看着窗外。最后以一张与崔逸豪的女性朋友王祯的自拍结束。

That’s designed for dating in the digital era. In China, where the mobile internet has revolutionized social life, getting to know a person takes place almost exclusively on WeChat, a popular social media tool that is used by nearly 1 billion people.

这是为电子时代的约会设计的。在中国,移动互联网给社会生活带来巨大变革,要了解一个人几乎完全依靠微信。微信是一个流行的社交媒体工具,有将近10亿用户。

Most social interactions in China usually start or end with people scanning each other’s WeChat QR codes — a practice known as saoing — or adding each other’s WeChat IDs. Many women form their impressions of men based on photographs on WeChat’s “Moments,” a Facebook-like tool.

在中国,大多数社交通常都从人们扫描各自的微信二维码——被称为扫一扫——或者加彼此的微信号开始或结束。很多女性根据微信朋友圈,一种类似Facebook的工具里的照片建立对男性的印象。

On a Thursday night outside a busy shopping mall in Jinan, the students got their first challenge: approach women and ask for their WeChat contacts.

一个周四晚上,在济南一个繁忙的商场外,学员们接受了第一次考验:接近陌生女性,并要到她们的微信联系方式。

“You give her two choices: ‘Why don’t you add me or I sao you?’” Zhang Mindong told the students. “So no matter what she picks, you’ll succeed.”

“你要给她两个选择:‘要不你加我或者我扫你?’”张敏东告诉学员。“这两个选择,不管她选哪个,你就成功了。”

After practicing their moves on Ms. Wang, the students set off. Zhang Zhenxiao rushed up to two women, who paused but continued walking. He chased after them and stopped them again. After a minute, they walked away.

在王女士身上进行了练习之后,学员们出发了。张振霄冲到两名女性面前,她们停顿了一下但继续向前走着。他追着她们,又把她们拦下。一分钟后,她们走开了。

“I didn’t succeed,” a dejected Mr. Zhang said, returning to the group.

“我没成功,”被拒绝的张振霄说,他回到了团队里。

“No, the fact that you approached them means you did,” Mr. Cui said, patting him on the back.

“不,你去接触她们就意味着你已经成功了,”崔逸豪拍了拍他的后背说。

By the end of the night, all the students had obtained at least one WeChat contact.

那天晚上结束时,所有的学员都拿到了至少一个微信号。

The classes, held in an apartment on the grounds of Shandong University, have an air of brotherly camaraderie — the students, huddled together on a floral couch scribbling in notebooks, practiced real smiles and flirtatious banter with their coaches.

上课地点在山东大学校内的一间公寓,这里有一种兄弟般的友爱氛围——学生们一起坐在有花卉图案的沙发上,记着笔记,与他们的教练练习微笑和开轻佻的玩笑。

A materials buyer for a renovations company, Zhang Zhenxiao said he had never learned how to talk to a woman. His high school forbade students from mixing with members of the opposite sex. His parents had an arranged marriage.

张振霄是一家装修公司的材料采购员,他说他从来没有学会如何与女性交谈。他的高中禁止学生与异性交往。他父母的婚姻是包办的。

Now, they are giving him pressure to settle down. He is on a quest for his ideal woman — a bubbly tomboy who likes wearing jeans and not skirts all the time.

现在,他们正在给他成家的压力。他在寻找他的理想女友——一个喜欢穿牛仔裤而不是总是穿裙子的活泼假小子。

“I think there are many single women who are just like me,” he said, “all longing for love.”

“我觉得很多单身女孩其实都是跟我一样,”他说,“都渴望爱情。”

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