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泄密者曼宁的孤独之旅(完):重获自由

更新时间:2017-6-28 9:54:31 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

The Long, Lonely Road of Chelsea Manning
泄密者曼宁的孤独之旅(完):重获自由

In July 2016, one of Manning’s closest friends at the U.S.D.B., Anthony Raby, was seated at a bench in the embroidery shop, sewing name tapes for Army recruits, when a fellow prisoner dropped a note onto his table. “It’s from your girlfriend,” the man said. Raby didn’t have to ask who the man was referring to.

安东尼·拉比(Anthony Raby)是曼宁在美国军事监狱最亲密的朋友之一。2016年7月的一天,拉比正坐在钩编车间的长凳上为陆军新兵缝名签,一名狱友把一封信放在他面前的桌子上。“你女朋友给你的,”那人说道。拉比不用问就知道对方说的是谁。

A former Army specialist serving three decades for the rape of a young child, Raby had first met Manning in 2013, shortly after her arrival at the U.S.D.B. It was his first encounter with a transgender person; he recalls thinking Manning resembled a “sad, strange little man.” In a letter from the U.S.D.B., Raby wrote: “The idea that someone could believe they were a gender other than what they were born was akin to believing a chicken was a hat. I just didn’t understand. However, as a Christian, I fully believe in showing everyone love and compassion, so we talked.”

曾为陆军专业军士、因强奸一名幼童而被判30年有期徒刑的拉比,与曼宁相识于2013年,就在她抵达美国军事监狱不久后。那是他第一次遇到跨性别人士;他回忆说,曼宁当初给他的印象是一个“悲伤、古怪的小人儿”。拉比在寄自军事监狱的信中写道:“一个人认为其性别与出生时的性别不同,这就好比认为一只鸡是一顶帽子。我根本搞不明白。不过,作为一名基督徒,我完全相信,应该向每个人展示爱与慈悲,因此我们聊了聊。”

Raby admired Manning’s intelligence, her wit, her unapologetic weirdness. “I’m all right with the weird,” Raby wrote. Manning visited his cell frequently to talk or vent or cry — taking care not to stay too long and violate the prison policy of one person to a unit. Raby, more than anyone else at the U.S.D.B., seemed to understand the toll that incarceration was taking on Manning. “Prison isn’t the best place for anyone who actually has actual emotions besides hate, anger, bitterness, apathy or indifference,” he wrote.

拉比钦慕曼宁的聪明、机智,以及毫不掩饰的古怪。“我和古怪的人处得来,”拉比写道。曼宁经常去他的牢房跟他说话,在他面前发泄情绪,或哭泣——并小心翼翼地避免因为逗留太长时间而违反狱方关于一人一牢房的规定。拉比似乎比美国军事监狱中的其他任何人都更明白监禁给曼宁带来的不良影响。“对于任何一个真正拥有除仇恨、愤怒、怨毒、冷淡或冷漠以外的真实情感的人,监狱都不是最好的去处,”他写道。

Now his worst fears were confirmed. Unfolding the note, which was folded and sealed shut with spare adhesive from a stamp book, Raby read the header: “Chelsea E. Manning, re: My Final Letter.” He scanned the first page. Manning wrote that she would kill herself after the base’s Fourth of July fireworks display came to a close. The fireworks had ended at 10 p.m. It was already 12:25 a.m.

现在,他的担忧得到证实。展开那封折叠起来并以一本邮票簿的备用胶封好的信,拉比看到的标题是:“切尔西·E·曼宁,关于:我的最后一封信。”他浏览了第一页纸。曼宁写道:她会在监狱7月4日的烟花表演结束时自杀。而烟花表演已于晚上10点结束。当时已是午夜12点25分。

Raby notified a guard in the embroidery shop and handed over Manning’s letter. “About 1 a.m., I heard an announcement over the guard’s radio about an alert in Manning’s housing unit,” Raby told me. “I was pacing like a madman, sure they had not gotten to her in time.” Not wanting to aggravate the staff, Raby struggled to keep his composure. Around 3:30 a.m., he was approached by an Army investigator: Manning was alive.

拉比通知了钩编车间的一名警卫,并上交了曼宁的信。“凌晨1点左右,我听见警卫在广播里宣布对曼宁的监区实施警戒,”拉比告诉我。“我像个疯子一样踱步,以为他们没有及时救下她。”拉布不想激怒工作人员,竭力保持冷静。凌晨3点半左右,一名陆军调查员走过来告诉他:曼宁还活着。

Officials have declined to provide details about the incident, and Manning told me she only remembers waking up in an ambulance. But people with knowledge of the situation said Manning tried to hang herself and was recovered by guards, breathing but unresponsive. Manning told me that in the days leading up to the suicide attempt, she felt unusually low and alone. She had been determined to push through to the end of the long weekend, when her psychologist would be back on base. “I didn’t make it,” she said.

官员们拒绝提供关于此事的细节,曼宁则告诉我,她只记得自己在一辆救护车中苏醒过来。不过知情者称,曼宁企图上吊,被警卫救了下来,有呼吸但没反应。曼宁对我说,在企图自杀前的日子里,她觉得极度低落和孤独。她曾下定决心撑到漫长周末的尽头,届时她的心理医生将返回美国军事监狱。“我没能做到,”她说。

In early September, she embarked on a hunger strike to protest what she called the “constant and overzealous administrative scrutiny by prison and military officials.” She ended the hunger strike when the prison vowed to provide her with gender-reassignment surgery, an unprecedented accommodation.

去年9月初,她以绝食抗议她所称的“狱方与军方官员给予的无休止的、过分热切的审视”。直到狱方做出前所未有的妥协,公开宣布为她提供性别重置手术,她才停止绝食。

By the end of September, Manning was sentenced to an additional two weeks in solitary, with one week suspended. Her crime was conduct that threatens the orderly running of the barracks — her suicide attempt.

到9月末,曼宁被判处两周禁闭,缓刑一周。她的罪名是,行为——即企图自杀之举——有碍监狱的有序运行。

If prison, as Manning has said, made her feel like a ghost — alive in her supporters’ thoughts but unable to be with them physically — then her time in solitary was akin to erasure. Isolation “changes you; it makes you angry,” she said. “You start to forget about the world outside — it’s not relevant or relatable anymore. The darkest part of solitary confinement is that you start to forget about cars, and jobs, and families, and weather, and politicians, and all the things that make up a society.”

如曼宁所言,如果说狱方让她觉得自己像一个鬼魂——活在支持者心中,但无法亲身和他们在一起——那么被关禁闭的日子就像是抹去她的存在。与世隔绝“会改变你,让你感到愤怒,”她说。“你开始忘记外边的世界——它不再有意义或与你相关。禁闭最黑暗的部分是,你开始忘记汽车、工作、家庭、天气、政治人物,忘记社会的所有组成部分。”

Manning again tried to kill herself, but a guard spotted her before she lost consciousness. A week later, she was returned to general population. She was beside herself with anger and fear. She was also, she told me, most likely suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder — from Iraq, from Quantico.

曼宁再次试图自杀,但在失去意识之前被一名警卫发现。一周后她被送回人群当中。她因愤怒和恐惧而失控。她告诉我,她当时还很有可能因为在伊拉克和匡蒂科的经历而遭受着创伤后应激障碍的折磨。

It was during her second stretch in solitary that Manning experienced an episode that the Army has no record of, and that, on the heels of the suicide attempts, seems to be indicative of severe mental anguish. In a legal brief, Manning details a vivid kind of fever dream that she still puzzles over — hearing “several reports of suppressed or silenced shots from a pistol” and listening as a group of strangers described their plans to remove her from the U.S.D.B. She refused to leave her cell, she says, and the next morning, the staff carried on as if nothing had happened.

第二次被关禁闭期间,曼宁经历了一次未被陆军记录在案的发病,在她企图自杀之后,这似乎表明她承受着精神上的极大痛苦。曼宁在案情摘要中详述了一场逼真的、至今让她感到困惑的噩梦——听见“几下经过消音的手枪声”,还听见一群陌生人描述将她转出美国军事监狱的计划。她说,她拒绝离开自己的牢房,而第二天早上,工作人员一切如常,就像什么也没发生过。

To Manning’s attorneys, it was obvious that their client was running out of time. “Chelsea needs help, and she’s not getting it,” Strangio told me this winter. He viewed a commutation application, filed in November, as Manning’s best hope. In the petition, Manning’s lawyers appended a letter from Manning. “I am not Bradley Manning,” she wrote. “I really never was. I am Chelsea Manning, a proud woman who is transgender and who, through this application, is respectfully requesting a first chance at life.”

在曼宁的律师们看来,他们的客户显然没有多少时间了。“切尔西需要帮助,但却没有得到帮助,”斯特兰吉奥去年冬天告诉我。他看过一份如曼宁所愿在去年11月提交的减刑申请。曼宁的律师随申请书附上了一封来自曼宁的信。“我不是布拉德利·曼宁,”他写道。“从来都不是。我是切尔西·曼宁,一名跨性别的骄傲女性,我通过这份申请书谨请获得人生的第一次机会。”

On the afternoon of Jan. 17, Manning was in the prison workshop, covered head to toe in wood shavings. She remembers looking up to see a team of security personnel enter the room. “I’m like, Oh, God, I’m in a lot of trouble,” Manning told me. “I don’t even know what the hell I’ve done now.”’ The prison’s head of security told her to come with them.

2017年1月的一个午后,曼宁待在监狱的劳动作坊里,从头到脚沾满木屑。她记得自己抬起头,看到一队看守走进屋内。“我心想,噢,老天,我有大麻烦了,”曼宁对我说。“可我现在甚至不知道自己到底干了什么。”监狱安保部门负责人让她跟他们走。

“Am I coming back?” she asked. No, she was told.

“我还回来吗?”她问。对方给出了否定的答案。

She grabbed her belongings and followed the guards to the Special Housing Unit. Assuming she was going back to solitary, she started to take the shoelaces out of her boots. The lead officer shook his head: She was headed for Protective Custody. In the common area, a television was playing CNN. She saw the banner on the screen: Manning’s sentence commuted, it read.

她拿起随身物品,随警卫走到特殊监区。她以为自己又要被关禁闭,于是开始抽靴子的鞋带。领头的官员摇了摇头:她是要去接受保护性监管。公共区域的一台电视机正在播放CNN的节目。她看到屏幕上的大标题写的是:曼宁获得减刑。

Manning told me she went numb. She never let herself think about a commutation, lest she be thrown back into a deeper darkness. “It was so hard for me to process and deal with it,” Manning recalled. Obama later addressed the decision with an implicit rebuke to Edward Snowden and Julian Assange. “Let’s be clear: Chelsea Manning has served a tough prison sentence, so the notion that the average person who was thinking about disclosing vital classified information would think that it goes unpunished, I don’t think would get that impression from the sentence that Chelsea Manning has served,” he said.

曼宁说她有些茫然。她此前总是避免去想减刑的事,以免期望越高失望越大。“我真的难以处理和应对它,”曼宁回忆。奥巴马后来就减刑决定做了说明,其中包含对爱德华·斯诺登和朱利安·阿桑奇的隐晦谴责。“我们要清楚地知道:切尔西·曼宁已经服过重刑,因此,如果说正考虑泄露关键机密信息的普通人觉得,这么做不会受到惩罚,我认为切尔西·曼宁已经服过刑的事实,不会让人产生这种印象,”他说。

Four months later, on the morning of May 17, Manning was marched out the front door of the U.S.D.B. and loaded into a Ford Explorer. The driver steered the S.U.V. up a short slope and onto the curved road that winds south, past the gates of the overgrown U.S.D.B. cemetery, where 14 executed German prisoners of war were buried in 1945. A constellation of brick buildings appeared in the distance. Close to 1 a.m., the Explorer drew to a halt in a parking lot, where Strangio and the veteran attorney Nancy Hollander were waiting. Manning was so eager to hug the two attorneys that she clocked Strangio in the face with her elbow.

四个月后的5月17日早上,曼宁被送出美国军事监狱前门,上了一辆福特探路者。司机开着这辆SUV驶上一个短短的斜坡,以及一条向南蜿蜒伸展的道路,经过了美国军事监狱公墓的大门——14名于1945年被处决的德国战犯就埋在杂草丛生的公墓里。远方的一些砖石建筑映入眼帘。下午1点左右,探路者停在一个停车场,斯特兰吉奥和资深律师南希·霍兰德(Nancy Hollander)已等在那里。曼宁太急于和两名律师拥抱,手肘撞到了斯特兰吉奥的脸。

 The week I spent with Manning in New York felt like a moment of suspended animation: the days between all the chaos of her life before and whatever was going to come next. In her final months at the U.S.D.B., Manning put together 300 pages of memoir, and she’s acquired an agent to shop the draft around. This fall, she will appear in a documentary called “XY Chelsea,” produced by Laura Poitras. Her attorneys, meanwhile, continue to work on her appeal. Even if she is exonerated, it is hard to know how comfortable her life will be in the years to come, given that some of the nation will never likely reconcile itself to what she did.

我和曼宁在纽约共度的一个星期,就像是生命暂停的时刻:生活中的所有混乱已经过去,不确定的未来尚未到来。待在美国军事监狱的最后几个月,曼宁把总共300页回忆录串到了一起,她已经让一名经纪人去推销书稿。今年秋天,她会出现在一部由劳拉·普瓦特拉斯(Laura Poitras)打造、名为《XY·切尔西》(XY Chelsea)的纪录片里。即便得到赦免,曼宁还是很难确定未来的生活会有多舒适,因为这个国家的某些人或许永远也不可能接受她以前的所作所为。

But she is determined not to dwell on her reputation, and for that week in Manhattan, she seemed happy being free. We trudged, unnoticed, through busy city streets, ordered chicken nuggets at McDonald’s, ate in restaurants and cafes and went to a weekend screening of “Alien: Covenant.” On the way into the theater, the man collecting the tickets asked to check Manning’s bag. I held my breath, thinking she would be recognized. But kneeling, Manning unzipped the main compartment, revealing her laptop. She was waved through: The famous whistle-blower and former military prisoner had become just another Sunday evening theatergoer.

但她决心不去纠结于自己的声誉,待在曼哈顿的那个星期,她似乎为恢复自由之身而感到高兴。我们在拥挤的城市街道上漫步,丝毫没有引起注意,我们在麦当劳点鸡肉,在餐厅和咖啡馆吃东西,周末还去看了《异形:契约》(Alien: Covenant)。进电影院时,查票员要求检查曼宁的背包。我屏住呼吸,以为她会被认出来。但曼宁单膝跪地,打开背包主舱,露出笔记本电脑。她被放行了:此刻,这个著名的泄密者以及前军事囚犯,只不过是一名在周日晚上走进电影院的再普通不过的观众。

It occurred to me that if Manning sometimes seemed to have difficulty interpreting the effect her actions had on the world, it was in part a result of the extraordinary isolation she had experienced even before her arrest, in her childhood in Crescent, when she longed for a solution for her pain. Later, in solitary in Kuwait or Quantico, or in the special housing unit at the U.S.D.B., that isolation had been made physical: The “feedback loop” she had spoken of to me had been torn. Now she had the ability to live publicly and openly as she always knew she was, and she was adjusting to the idea, sinking into it as if it were a cold pond. More than once, as we walked the streets of New York, I felt I was in the presence of someone coming fully alive for the very first time. Manning told me she understood that her identity and the actions that led to her arrest have long been tangled up in the public imagination, sometimes in uncomfortable ways: An appellate brief filed last year by Manning’s legal team implied that the Army’s inability to treat Manning’s gender dysphoria was a contributing factor in the leaks. Manning didn’t want to discuss “hypotheticals,” what would have happened if circumstances were different, but she was adamant on one thing: “What I can tell you,” she said, “is that my values would have been the same. The things I care about would have been the same.”

我忽然想到,如果说曼宁有时似乎很难阐释自己的行为对世界产生的影响,其中一个原因应该是,哪怕在她被捕之前,她所经历的异常与世隔绝的状态——她在克雷森特的童年时期就渴望为自己的痛苦找到一个解决方式。后来,在科威特或匡蒂科的孤独之中,或者在美国军事监狱的特殊牢房里,那种隔绝变成了现实的东西:她跟我提到过,自己的“反馈环”被撕裂了。现在,她有能力公开、开放地生活——她一直知道自己可以。她在不断适应这个想法,就像浸入寒冷池塘一样浸入其中。我们不止一次在纽约街头散步,我感觉我在见证某个人第一次完全活过来。曼宁对我说,她理解,自己的身分以及导致自己被捕的行为,长期以来在公众的想象中被纠缠在一起,有时是以令人不舒服的方式:曼宁的法律团队去年提交的一份上诉简报表明,军队无法治疗曼宁的性别不安是导致泄密的一个因素。曼宁不想讨论“假设情况”——比如,如果环境不同,会发生什么——但她非常确定一件事:“我能对你说的是,”她说,“我的价值观还会是一样的。我关心的事也会是一样的。”

One morning, at the end of an interview, Manning handed me a white envelope. Inside was a note from a 14-year-old trans boy. “I just wanted to say that I’m glad you’re gonna be free in a few months,” the boy had scrawled in pen, “and that I’m proud of you (is that weird thing to say?). You’re an inspiration.” Manning placed the note back in the envelope. If she was being honest, she said, she never particularly wanted to be a role model. I asked if Manning’s life would have been different if she’d had such a person. She stared down at her hands. “I don’t know how,” she said finally, “but it would have been better.”

一天早晨,采访结束后,曼宁递给我一个白色信封。里面是一个14岁跨性别男孩的纸条。“我只想说,我很高兴,再过几个月,你就能自由了,”这个男孩用钢笔潦草地写道,“我为你感到骄傲(这样说是不是很怪?)。你鼓舞了我。”曼宁把那张纸条放回信封。她说,坦白地说,她从来不是特别想成为楷模。我问曼宁,如果她有这样一位楷模,她的生活是否会不同。她盯着自己的双手。“我不知道具体会怎样,”最后她说,“但是会好一些。”

A couple of days later, we spent an hour sitting on a park bench. The skies were bruised, but the air was warm and fragrant. A flock of pigeons nearby. Manning cooed at them. She told me that at Leavenworth, not long before she learned of her commutation, a robin had alighted at her window, a small messenger from the world outside. Hadn’t it been a sign? She had taken it as one.

几天后,我们在公园的长凳上坐了一个小时。天上有片片红霞,空气温暖芳香。附近有一群鸽子。曼宁向它们咕咕叫。她告诉我,在莱文沃思得知自己减刑之前不久,一只知更鸟落在她的窗口,它是来自外部世界的一个小信使。那是一个先兆吗?她认为是。

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