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泄密者曼宁的孤独之旅(四):变成女儿身

更新时间:2017-6-27 10:31:54 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

The Long, Lonely Road of Chelsea Manning
泄密者曼宁的孤独之旅(四):变成女儿身

The U.S.D.B. lies at the far northern end of Fort Leavenworth, not far from the headquarters of the 40th Military Police Internment and Resettlement Battalion. The maximum-security complex, with its 515 beds, is reserved for the military prisoners serving the longest sentences, housing offenders like Robert Bales, the Army staff sergeant convicted in 2013 of slaughtering 16 Afghan civilians. For almost the entirety of her time there, Manning lived on the second floor. Her cell was narrow and small; there was a cot, a toilet, a mirror and a sink. The one window faced north, affording her a view of the surrounding landscape. In the vacuum of prison, the weather became theater: The snow that piled up against the cyclone fencing. The forked lightning that spidered the sky, sending deer and rabbits skittering for cover.

美国军事监狱(USDB)位于莱文沃思堡北端,离第40军警拘押和安置营(40th Military Police Internment and Resettlement Battalion)总部不远。这个最高安全级别的监狱有515张床,用于安置服刑时间最长的军事囚犯,在这里服刑的人包括2013年被控屠杀16名阿富汗平民的罗伯特·贝尔斯上士(Robert Bales)。曼宁在那里服刑期间,几乎一直住在二层。她的牢房十分狭小,只有一张简易床、一个马桶、一面镜子和一个水槽。唯一的一扇窗户朝北,能让她看到周围的风景。在与世隔绝的监狱里,天气就成了戏剧:白雪堆积在铁丝网上。叉状闪电划过天空,吓得鹿和兔子慌乱地寻找遮蔽物。

At Manning’s court-martial, Coombs had introduced as evidence the photo his client emailed to a superior in 2010. The image was later distributed to the news media, and by the fall of 2013, it had appeared alongside hundreds of articles on Manning’s transition. To Manning, the idea that it should come to define her was painful. “It was just so far from her experience at Leavenworth,” Evan Greer, a trans activist and friend, told me. “And I think some people saw that image, that luscious wig, and figured she was given that kind of freedom behind bars.”

在曼宁的军事法庭审讯期间,库姆斯将2010年他的客户通过电子邮件发给一位上司的照片作为呈堂证供。那张照片后来发给了新闻媒体,并在2013年秋随附成百上千篇关于曼宁跨性别转渡的文章一起刊登了出来。那张照片成为曼宁的形象代表,这对她来说是很痛苦的。“那跟她在莱文沃思堡的经历有天壤之别,”跨性别活动人士、曼宁的朋友埃文·格里尔(Evan Greer)对我说。“我认为,有些人看到了那张照片,那个绚丽的假发,以为她在狱中那么自由。”

In reality, every aspect of Manning’s appearance was being governed by Army rules, from her briefs to her hair, which she was required to wear, per Section 670-1 of Army regulations, in a “neat and conservative style.” Manning was in a position that can be difficult for non-trans people to understand: She had come out as female but was still being addressed and treated as if she were male — often pointedly, by the Leavenworth staff. Vincent Ward, one of Manning’s attorneys, recalls observing the way the prison guards treated his client. Ward, a former military lawyer, said he knew “who these people were. I knew the personality types. From the minute that you walked in, you could sense the bullying, the smirks, the comments.” It is a kind of isolation that can induce drastic action: Clinical psychologists who work with trans prisoners have documented high levels of suicide and depression in inmates not given appropriate medical treatment. In worst-case scenarios, prisoners have tried to alter their own genitalia by hand.

但实际上,曼宁在外表上处处受到军规的约束,从内裤到发型——按照军规第670款第1条的规定,她的发型必须保持“整洁、保守的风格”。非跨性别人士很难理解曼宁当时的处境:她已经公开宣布自己是女性,但依然被按照男性称呼和对待——尤其是莱文沃思堡的工作人员。曼宁的一位律师文森特·沃德(Vincent Ward)回忆称,自己观察过那些监狱看守对待自己客户的方式。沃德曾是一名军方律师。他说,他知道“那些人是什么样的。我知道那种性格类型。从你走进监狱的那一刻起,你就能感受到霸凌、嘲笑和非议”。那种隔绝可能引发激烈的行为:研究过跨性别囚犯的临床心理学家发现,在不给予适当药物治疗的情况下,囚犯发生自杀和出现抑郁症的几率很高。在最糟糕的情况下,有些囚犯试图自己动手改变生殖器。

To friends and the members of her legal team, Manning spoke regularly, and with despair, of feeling “poisoned” by the testosterone in her body and of a ghostlike invisibility: If people couldn’t see her as she actually was, what use was living? On entering the U.S.D.B. in 2013, Manning requested access to the regimen of estrogen and anti-androgen drugs prescribed to people undergoing a male-to-female transition. She was refused: The Army did not yet sanction hormone therapy for soldiers, let alone for prisoners. Manning’s treatment would be limited to antidepressants and counseling sessions with a psychotherapist. “Permitting Mr. Manning to live as female, much less begin to feminize his body, will create operational challenges as the inmate population respond to these changes,” prison administrators wrote in an internal memo later obtained by the A.C.L.U.

曼宁经常向朋友和法律团队的成员绝望地谈到,她感觉自己被身体里的睾酮和一种幽灵般的不可见性“毒害”:如果人们看不见她的真实样子,那么活着还有什么意义呢?从2013年一转到美国军事监狱起,曼宁就要求服用从男性变为女性所需的雌激素和抗雄激素药物。她被拒绝了:军方还没有批准对士兵进行激素治疗,更别提对犯人了。对曼宁的治疗仅限于抗抑郁药物和心理治疗师的咨询。“允许曼宁作为女性生活——更别提开始让他的身体女性化——将带来操作上的困难,因为囚犯会对这些变化作出反应,”在美国公民自由联盟(American Civil Liberties Union)后来获得的内部备忘录中,监狱管理人员写道。

The prison was unbending in its stance for nearly a year. Meanwhile, one of Manning’s lawyers — Chase Strangio, who himself is trans — grew increasingly worried that his client might try to hurt herself again; eventually, he filed a lawsuit against the Department of Defense. The suit cited a clinical evaluation from the psychologist Randi Ettner and said Manning was “experiencing significant distress and is at high risk for serious medical consequences, including self-castration and suicide.” In the summer of 2014, the Army agreed to send women’s underwear to Manning’s cell — a first for any branch of the military. (A civilian judge in Leavenworth County had granted Manning’s request to change the name on her birth certificate to Chelsea Elizabeth Manning.) Hormone therapy followed in early 2015, with the drugs distributed in pill form from a medical dispensary near the cafeteria.

有将近一年的时间,这所监狱没有改变自己的立场。与此同时,曼宁的一名同为变性者的律师沙斯·斯特兰吉奥(Chase Strangio)越来越担心,他的客户可能会再次尝试伤害自己。最后,他向国防部提起了诉讼,其中提到了心理学家兰迪·埃特内(Randi Ettner)的临床评估,称曼宁“正经受巨大的心理痛苦,极有可能导致严重的医疗后果,包括自宫和自杀”。2014年夏天,军方同意给曼宁的牢房派送女用内衣,这在全军任何一个部门都是前所未有的(莱文沃斯县的民法法官批准曼宁将自己出生证上的名字改为切尔西·伊丽莎白·曼宁)。2015年初,曼宁开始进行激素治疗,药物在食堂附近的医务室以药片形式发放。

To Manning, the early stages of hormone therapy were deeply fulfilling: her skin softened, her body hair thinned. But with the welcome physical changes came unnerving intellectual ones. “I’d built all these defenses and walls around my emotions over the years, since being a teenager,” Manning told me. “When my testosterone levels plummeted, I suddenly became more vulnerable emotionally. I could no longer just hide my emotions: I had to deal with them, usually right there and then.” And the emotions often came faster than Manning could process: “Good ones, like confidence, and a sense of connection with my friends, mixed in with a lot of bad ones, like doubt, loneliness, uncertainty and loss.” For support, Manning spoke regularly to others in the trans community: Strangio and Annie Danger, a trans artist and activist. Danger listened as Manning experimented with her voice, “putting it in different pitches in an effort to find out what felt right,” Danger told me. “I tried to talk her through that searching process, that evolutionary process, which can be so important. You’re literally finding your voice.”

对曼宁而言,激素疗法在初期极其有效:她的皮肤变软,体毛也变细了。但随着这种可喜的身体变化而来的,是让人不安的理智变化。“自青少年时期以来,这么多年里我建起了种种抵御情绪的围墙,”曼宁对我讲道。“当睾酮水平骤降时,我的情绪突然变得更加脆弱。我根本无法再掩饰自己的情绪:必须解决它们,而且通常要在当时当地。”这些情绪上来的速度超出了曼宁能掌控的范围:“好的情绪——比如信心和一种与朋友相连的感觉——混杂在许多坏情绪中,比如怀疑、孤独、不确定和迷茫。”为了获得支持,曼宁经常与跨性别者群体里的其他人谈心:斯特兰吉奥和跨性别艺术家、活动人士安妮·丹吉尔(Annie Danger)。丹吉尔见证了曼宁摸索自己的女声的过程,“把它放在不同的音高,试图找到自己感觉舒服的位置,”丹吉尔告诉我。“我努力跟她讲清楚那个摸索、进化的过程,这个过程十分重要。这真的是在寻找自己的声音。”

At the U.S.D.B., Manning’s days took on a mundane, lulling rhythm. Most mornings, she woke up at 4:30 a.m. and, shrugging off the green sheets, dressed in the light of the bare bulb that hung above her bed: the white sports bra; the oversize prison uniform that hung, scarecrow-like, off her thin frame; the Army-issue boots. “O.K.,” she would say, examining herself in the mirror. “You can do this.” After a quick breakfast in the cafeteria, it was down to the prison wood shop, where she and a crew of inmates built, from scratch, the furniture sold at the base commissary. On the invitation of another prisoner, she joined a weekly Dungeons & Dragons game, playing as Esvele Dundragon, a female noble.

在莱文沃思堡军事监狱,曼宁过着单调而平静的生活。大多数早上,她都在4点半醒来,离开绿色的床铺,就着挂在床上方的裸灯泡的灯光穿上衣服:白色运动内衣;过大的囚服——在她瘦小的骨架上晃动,犹如稻草人;以及军队发的靴子。“好的,”她一边在镜子前检查自己的衣着一边说。“你能做到。”在餐厅快速用完早餐,然后去监狱的木头工厂,和一群囚犯从零开始制作用来在军营杂货店出售的家具。在另一位狱友的邀请下,她加入了每周一次的“龙与地下城”游戏,在其中扮演女贵族埃斯韦莱·邓恩德拉贡(Esvele Dundragon)。

Manning told me that even as she transitioned, she never felt physically threatened by the other prisoners, as she did the staff. “Of all the people in my entire experience” in government custody, she said, the ones “who have been consistently good to me were the other inmates — like, I’m not saying they were excited or happy or approved of me or anything.” Manning says she counted a handful of inmates among her close friends, among them Clint Lorance, an Army platoon leader convicted of second-degree murder for ordering his men to open fire on three unarmed Afghan civilians. “Remember that all these folks were active military before they were incarcerated,” David Hammond, a lawyer assigned to Manning by the Army’s Defense Appellate Division, said in describing the dynamic to me. “The discipline carries over.”

曼宁告诉我,即便在转渡后,其他囚犯也没有像看守那样对她进行肢体威胁。她说,在我于政府关押期间“遇到的所有人里”,那些“一直对我很好的人是其他囚犯——我不是说他们有多兴奋、高兴或赞同我什么的。”曼宁表示,少数几名狱友成为她的好朋友,其中包括克林特·劳伦斯(Clint Lorance),他是一名陆军排长,因命令自己的士兵朝三名手无寸铁的阿富汗平民开火而被判二级谋杀。“要知道,在被关起来之前,这些人都是现役军人,”被军队的辩护上诉部指派为曼宁辩护的律师戴维·哈蒙德(David Hammond)在向我描述这种机制时说。“那种纪律性会保持下去。”

In April 2014, the Army denied Manning’s clemency application, choosing to uphold, in full, her 35-year sentence. There remained the distant possibility of a presidential pardon or commutation, but Manning had no reason to expect one: The White House had condemned the leaks, as had the secretary of state, Hillary Clinton. The best option, Manning knew, lay in the formal appeal. But Manning’s fight with the prison authorities was grinding into its third year, and she was tired. Her hair was still being cut to male standards. The guards were relentless. “If you were trying to get them to be more gender neutral, they would make a point of being very gender specific,” Manning said. And a request for gender reassignment surgery had been met with silence. (According to Manning’s lawyers, the Army approved the surgery last September, but set no timeline for its completion.) The U.S.D.B., in her mind, was “creating, often deliberately and knowingly, situations that cause high levels of stress on any given number of people. This breaks people down. Good people break down.”

2014年4月,部队拒绝了曼宁请求宽大处理的申请,选择支持给她判整整35年刑期。虽然还有总统赦免或减刑的渺茫希望,但曼宁没有理由期待这个:白宫已经对泄密行为进行了谴责,国务卿希拉里·克林顿(Hillary Clinton)也是如此。曼宁知道,对她来说,最好的选择就是正式上诉。但曼宁与监狱当局的斗争已经进入了第三年,她感觉累了。她的头发还是剪成标准的男性长度。警卫们毫不留情。“如果你试图让他们在性别上更中立一些,他们就会特别强调性别,”曼宁说。她提出的进行变性手术的请求,也遭到了沉默的对待(据曼宁的律师透露,军队在去年9月批准了这项手术,但没有确定完成手术的时间表)。在曼宁看来,莱文沃思堡军事监狱“给一些人制造了一种会导致高压力水平的环境,而且往往是有意为之。这会让人垮掉。好人会垮掉。”

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