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泄密者曼宁的孤独之旅(一):“我想摆脱性别”

更新时间:2017-6-23 11:43:35 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

The Long, Lonely Road of Chelsea Manning
泄密者曼宁的孤独之旅(一):“我想摆脱性别”

On a gray morning this spring, Chelsea Manning climbed into the back seat of a black S.U.V. and directed her security guard to drive her to the nearest Starbucks. A storm was settling over Manhattan, and Manning was prepared for the weather, in chunky black Doc Martens with an umbrella and a form-fitting black dress. Her legs were bare, her eyes gray blue. She wore little makeup: a spot of eyeliner, a smudge of pink lip gloss.

今年春天一个多云的早晨,切尔西·曼宁(Chelsea Manning)爬进一辆黑色SUV车后座,指示保安人员开车送她到最近的星巴克。曼哈顿上空正酝酿着一场暴风雨,曼宁已经为此做好了准备,她脚穿粗重的马丁靴,带着雨伞,身上是一件彰显身材的黑色连衣裙,裸露着双腿。她画着淡妆:灰蓝色的眼睛周围有眼线的痕迹,一点点粉红色的唇彩。

At Starbucks, she ordered a white-chocolate mocha and retreated to a nearby stool. Manning has always been small (5 foot 4), but in her last few months at the United States Disciplinary Barracks at Fort Leavenworth, she jogged religiously, outside in the prison yard and around the track of the prison gym, and her body had taken on a lithe sharpness, apparent in the definition of her arms and cheekbones. She looked healthy and fit, if a little uneasy, as people who have served long spells in prison often do.

在星巴克,她点了白巧克力摩卡,坐到旁边的高脚凳上。曼宁的身材一直很娇小(5英尺4英寸),但在过去的几个月里,在美国莱文沃斯堡军事监狱里,她非常认真地沿着监狱操场和监狱体育馆的跑道上跑步。从她的手臂和颧骨轮廓可以看出,她的身体变得柔韧结实。她看上去健康强壮,虽然带着些许不安的感觉,长期在狱中服刑的人往往都是这样的。

She had been released only eight days earlier, after serving seven years of a 35-year sentence. Her crime, even in hindsight, was an astonishing one: handing WikiLeaks approximately 250,000 American diplomatic cables and roughly 480,000 Army reports from the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Collectively the largest leak of classified records in American history, the disclosures cleared a path for Edward Snowden and elevated the profile of Julian Assange, then little known outside hacker circles. “Without Chelsea Manning,” P.J. Crowley, an assistant secretary of state from 2009 to 2011, told me recently, “Julian Assange is just another fringe actor who resents what he sees as American hegemonic hubris.” To an extraordinary extent, Manning’s actions, in the words of Denver Nicks, the author of a book on her case, represented the “beginning of the information age exploding upon itself”: a new era in which leaks were a weapon, data security was of paramount importance and privacy felt illusory.

她被判35年徒刑,服刑七年后,她在八天前得到释放。即便事后看来,她的罪行也足以令人震惊:她将美国在阿富汗和伊拉克战争期间的约25万份外交电报和约48万份军队报告交给了维基解密(Wikileaks)。这些泄露加在一起,构成了美国历史上最大的机密记录泄漏事件,为爱德华·斯诺登(Edward Snowden)扫清了道路,并且令朱利安·阿桑奇(Julian Assange)的形象得到提升,此前阿桑奇在黑客圈以外少有人知。“要不是切尔西·曼宁,”2009年至2011年担任助理国务卿的P·J·克劳利(P.J.Crowley)最近告诉我,“朱利安·阿桑奇无非就是另一个处在边缘地位,对他心目中美国霸权主义傲慢感到愤怒的小角色。”丹弗·尼克斯(Denver Nicks)曾经写过一本关于曼宁案的书,用他的话来说,曼宁的行为从广义上来说,代表着“信息时代自身开始爆炸”:一个新时代,现在内情泄漏可以成为武器,数据安全至关重要,而隐私则让人感到虚幻。

In January 2017, after being locked up at five different facilities, in conditions a United Nations expert called “cruel” and “inhumane,” Manning had received a surprise commutation by President Barack Obama. Four months later, she was free, trying to adjust to life in a world she helped shape. Finishing her coffee, she fished her iPhone out of her purse and asked her security guard for a lift back to the apartment where she was staying while in Manhattan. The one-bedroom was furnished sparsely, with a wide glass table and a tan couch, opposite which Manning had set up an Xbox One video-game console. The art was of the anodyne motel variety — an old-masters-esque tableau, a canvas of a zebra standing in a forest. We were many floors up, suspended in the storm clouds, and through the window, I could see the spires of the skyscrapers on the other side of the Hudson River.

曼宁曾先后被关押在五个不同的地方,一个联合国专家称她所处的环境是“残酷”且“不人道”的,2017年1月,她终于从贝拉克·奥巴马总统那里得到了出乎意料的减刑。四个月后,她重获自由,开始努力适应身边这个自己参与塑造的世界。喝完咖啡后,她从手袋里摸出iPhone手机,让保安开车送她回到她在曼哈顿的公寓。这是一个一室一厅的房子,装修简朴,有一个宽阔的玻璃桌和一张棕褐色的沙发,沙发对面,曼宁放了一个Xbox One游戏机。公寓里的艺术品是平淡乏味的汽车旅馆风格——一幅早期大师风格的人物画,一幅描绘森林里一匹斑马的油画。楼层很高,仿佛悬浮在酝酿暴风雨的云层之中,通过窗户,我可以看到哈德逊河对岸摩天大楼的尖顶。

Manning, who is 29, tapped an unplugged microwave next to the door and asked me to place my laptop inside: The Faraday cage in the microwave would block radio waves, she explained. But the unplugged microwave was already full of devices, including two Xbox controllers. “You can put it in the kitchen microwave,” Manning said; then, intuiting the strangeness of the request, she added with a shrug, “You can’t be too careful.”

29岁的曼宁敲了一下门边一个没接电源的微波炉,要我把笔记本电脑放在那里面。她解释说,微波炉里的法拉第笼可以屏蔽无线电波。但是那个没接电源的微波炉里已经装满了各种设备,包括两台Xbox遥控器。“你可以把它放在厨房的微波炉里,”曼宁说,意识到自己的请求有多么奇怪,她耸了耸肩,“怎么小心都不为过”。

She recalled that she last gave an in-person, on-the-record interview to a journalist in 2008, on the occasion of a marriage-equality march in New York. For almost a decade after that, barred by prison officials from communicating directly with the public, she remained silent as her story was told in books, an opera, an Off Broadway play and countless magazine articles, almost all of them written before Manning had come out as transgender. “It wasn’t the whole story,” she told me, “my whole story.”

她回忆说,她上一次亲自接受记者面对面的正式采访是2008年在纽约婚姻平权游行上。此后将近十年里,监狱管理者阻止她和公众直接接触,因此她一直保持缄默,与此同时,她的故事被写成书,被改编为歌剧和小成本舞台剧,登上无数杂志文章,它们大都是在曼宁公开跨性别者身份之前写的。“那不是完整的故事,”她告诉我,“不是关于我的完整故事。”

Absent her own voice, a pair of dueling narratives had emerged. One had Manning, in the words of President Donald Trump, as an “ungrateful traitor.” The other positioned her as transgender icon and champion of transparency — a “secular martyr,” as Chase Madar, a former attorney and the author of a book on her case, recently put it to me. But in Manning’s presence, both narratives feel like impossible simplifications, not least because Manning herself is clearly still grappling with the meaning of what she did seven years ago. When I asked her to draw lessons from her journey, she grew uneasy. “I don’t have. ... ” she started. “Like, I’ve been so busy trying to survive for the past seven years that I haven’t focused on that at all.”

虽然她自己的声音是缺席的,但是关于她,出现了两种水火不相容的叙事。第一种叙事把曼宁描述为——用唐纳德·特朗普的话来说——“忘恩负义的叛徒”。另一种叙事则把她奉为跨性别者的偶像与信息透明的捍卫者,就像曾经当过检察官的蔡斯·马达尔(Chase Madar)最近对我说的,是一个“非宗教的殉道者”,他也曾经写过一本关于曼宁案的书。但是在曼宁面前,这两种叙事似乎都简化到了不可思议的地步,尤其是因为曼宁自己显然仍在努力思考,想要弄清她七年前所做的事情究竟意味着什么。我问她,从这段经历中学到了什么,她变得非常不安。“我没有……”她开始说道。“这个,过去七年里,我一直忙着生存下去,我根本没有重点关注这个。”

But surely, I pressed, she must have some sense of the impact she had on the world. “From my perspective,” she responded, “the world’s shaped me more than anything else. It’s a feedback loop.”

但是,我追问,她肯定会感觉自己对这个世界造成了影响。“从我的角度来看,”她回答说,“这个世界对我的影响比其他一切更重要。这是一个反馈回路。”

 As far back as Chelsea Manning can remember, to her earliest days in Crescent, on the far edge of the Oklahoma City metro area, she suffered from a feeling of intense dislocation, something constant and psychic that she struggled to define to herself, much less to her older sister, Casey, or her parents, Brian and Susan. During one of our interviews, I mentioned that I heard a clinical psychologist compare gender dysphoria to a “giant, cosmic toothache.” Manning flushed. That was it exactly, she agreed: “Morning, evening, breakfast, lunch, dinner, wherever you are. It’s everywhere you go.”

就切尔西·曼宁记忆所及,早在儿时住在俄克拉荷马市市区边缘的克雷森特那段时期,她就曾经有过强烈的困惑感,她要努力让自己搞清楚某些持续不断的、和精神状态有关的东西,更不用说让姐姐凯西(Casey)和她的父母布赖恩(Brian)与苏珊(Susan)也明白。在一次采访中,我提到我听临床心理学家将性别焦虑比作“无时不在的巨大牙痛”。曼宁脸上一阵泛红。就是这样,她同意:“早上、晚上、早餐、午餐、晚餐,无论你身在何处。它到处都跟着你。”

At the age of 5, Manning recalled, she approached her father, an I.T. manager for Hertz, and confessed that she wanted to be a girl, “to do girl things.” Brian responded with a lengthy and awkward speech on the essential differences in “plumbing.” But Manning told me, “I didn’t understand how that had anything to do with what you wore or how you behaved.” Soon she was sneaking into her sister’s bedroom and donning Casey’s acid-washed jeans and denim jackets. Seated at the mirror, she would apply lipstick and blush, frantically scrubbing off the makeup at the slightest stirring from downstairs.

她的父亲是赫兹公司的IT部门经理,曼宁回忆说,五岁那年,她对父亲承认她想成为女孩,“做女孩做的事情”。对此,布赖恩就男女“生殖管道”的本质区别做了一番冗长而笨拙的讲话。但是曼宁告诉我,“我不明白这和你所穿的东西或你的行为有什么关系。”“不久后她开始溜进姐姐的卧室,偷偷穿上凯西的酸洗牛仔裤和牛仔夹克,对着镜子涂上口红和腮红,楼下一传来风吹草动,她就拼命擦掉脸上的化妆品。

“I wanted to be like [Casey] and live like her,” Manning said.

“我想要像她(凯西)一样,像她那样生活,”曼宁说。

When she was still in elementary school, she came out as gay to a straight male friend. The friend was understanding; the other kids at school, less so. Manning tried, unsuccessfully, to retract her confession, but the teasing continued. “I would come home crying some days, and if my dad was there, he’d say: ‘Just quit crying and man up. Like, go back there and punch that kid in the face,’ ” she said. It was the late 1990s, when the trans movement was very much on the fringes of American society. “The closest I came to knowing anything was from the portrayal of drag-queen-style cross-dressing on sensational TV shows” like Jerry Springer’s, Manning told me. She spent more time inside, on the computers that her father was always bringing home, playing video games and dabbling in basic code.

还在读小学的时候,她便向一个直男朋友出柜,告知对方自己是同性恋。那位朋友理解她;学校里的其他孩子则没有那么善解人意。曼宁试图收回自己的坦白之词,但没有成功,继续遭到戏弄。“有些日子,我回到家会哭出来,如果我父亲在场,他会说:‘别哭了,爷们些。比如,回去朝那小子脸上擂一拳,’”她说。那是1990年代末,跨性别者权利运动在美国社会中还处于极为边缘的位置。“耸动的电视节目中关于变装皇后式异性着装的描绘,是我最接近相关信息的渠道”——比如杰瑞·斯布林格(Jerry Springer)的节目。她花更多时间待在家中,摆弄她父亲总是会带回家的电脑,玩电子游戏、尝试鼓捣基本代码。

Her parents had issues of their own. When Manning was about 12, Susan swallowed an entire bottle of Valium. Casey called 911, only to be told that the nearest ambulance was a half-hour away. Casey loaded her mother into the car; Brian, who Manning says was too drunk to drive, sat shotgun, leaving a terrified Chelsea in the back to make sure her mother kept breathing. She told me the incident was formational. “I grew up very quickly after that,” she said. (Brian could not be reached for comment.)

她的父母有着自己的问题。曼宁12岁那年,苏珊吞下一整瓶安定。凯西打了911,却被告知最近的救护车要半小时才能赶到。凯西把母亲弄到汽车上;而布赖恩据曼宁所说喝得烂醉,无法开车,坐在副驾驶位置上,留下惊恐的切尔西待在后面,确定母亲还在呼吸。她告诉我那件事对她影响很大。“自那以后我成长得很快,”她说。(记者未能联系上布赖恩并请其置评。)

In Susan’s native Wales, where Manning moved with her in 2001 after her parents split, Chelsea says she took over full control of the household, paying bills and handling much of the shopping. There was freedom there, too: She could buy her own makeup at the convenience store, wear it for a few hours in public and jam it into a waste bin on her way home. She passed many evenings on her computer, in L.G.B.T. chat rooms. Her worldview shifted. While in Crescent, Manning had imbibed her father’s conservative politics — “I questioned nothing,” she told me. But at Tasker Milward, a school in the town of Haverfordwest, she studied the civil rights movement, the Red Scare, the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. In a term paper for a history class, she expressed skepticism about the rationale for the American invasion of Iraq.

父母离婚后,曼宁于2001年随苏珊搬到其老家威尔士。切尔西说,在那里,她全盘掌管家中事务,付账单并负责很多东西的采购。那里也给了她自由:她可以在便利店给自己买化妆品,带妆在公共场合出现几个小时,然后在回家的路上将化妆品扔进垃圾桶。很多晚上她都是守着电脑在LGBT聊天室里度过的。在克雷森特生活的时候,曼宁曾吸纳父亲的保守派政治观点——“我一度不质疑任何事,”她告诉我。但在哈沃福维斯特镇的塔斯克尔·米尔沃德中学(Tasker Milward),她学习了与民权运动、红色恐慌以及二战期间日裔美国人被囚禁有关的知识。在历史课的学期论文中,她表达了对美国入侵伊拉克合理性的怀疑。

When Manning returned to the United States in 2005 to live with Brian and his new wife in Oklahoma City, she was a changed person, if not a wholly transformed one: She wore eyeliner and grew out her hair and dyed it black. “I thought, Maybe I want to just eradicate this gender thing and be gender neutral, like androgynous,” she told me. She found a job at an internet start-up and, through a matchmaking site, met her first boyfriend, who lived 70 miles away in the town of Duncan. But her stepmother, Manning said, forbade her from setting foot in the kitchen: “She felt that I was unclean.”

当曼宁于2005年返回美国,与布赖恩及其续娶的妻子在俄克拉荷马市一起生活的时候,即便没有彻头彻尾地转变,也已经变了一个人:她画眼线,留长发,并将头发染成黑色。“我认为,或许我想要摆脱性别这种东西,成为中性的存在,就像雌雄同体,”她告诉我。她在一家互联网初创企业找到了份工作,还通过交友网站遇到了她的第一个男朋友,后者当时住在70英里外的邓肯镇。但曼宁说,她的继母禁止她踏足厨房:“她觉得我是不洁的。”

Manning confided to no one what she was increasingly coming to understand: that she wasn’t gay, wasn’t a cross-dresser. She was a woman. In the summer of 2006, she and her boyfriend parted ways, and she lit out from Oklahoma for good, all her belongings piled high in the cab of her red Nissan pickup truck. A spell of itinerancy followed — out to Tulsa, Okla., to work at a pizza parlor; up to Chicago to work at Guitar Center; east to the suburbs of Washington to live with her aunt, with whom she enjoyed a connection she never shared with her parents. She did four sessions with a psychologist, but got no closer to unburdening herself than she had with friends or family members. “I was scared,” Manning said. “I didn’t know that life could be better.”

曼宁没有向任何人坦白她日益意识到的一件事:她不是同性恋,不是异装者。她是一个女人。2006年夏天,与男友分道扬镳后,她把自己的物品高高堆在红色尼桑皮卡的驾驶室里,永远离开了俄克拉荷马市。随之而来的是四处漂泊的生活——前往俄克拉荷马州塔尔萨,在一家比萨店工作;还曾抵达芝加哥,在吉他中心(Guitar Center)工作;往东到了华盛顿郊区,和一个姑妈一起生活,与姑妈同住期间,她感受到了和父母之间从未有过的那种亲密。她在一名心理医生处接受过四次咨询辅导,但减压效果并没有超出与朋友或家人交流的程度。“我当时很害怕,”曼宁说。“我不知道生活可以变得更好。”

Brian Manning had often fondly recounted for Chelsea his days in the military: It had given him structure and grounding, he said. Manning hadn’t been ready to listen then. Now she was. Enlisting might be the thing to “man her up,” to rid her of the ache. Besides, while her ideas about American foreign policy had become more nuanced, she still considered herself a patriot — in the Army, she could use her analytical skills to help her country. “I remember sitting in the summer of 2007 and just every single day turning on the TV” and seeing the news from Iraq, she told me. “The surge, the surge, the surge. Terrorist attacks. Insurgents. ... I just felt like maybe I could make a difference.”

布赖恩·曼宁以前常常向曼宁动情地回忆其军旅生涯:他说那段岁月塑造了他的性格和脚踏实地的精神。曼宁当初还没做好把那些话听进去的准备。她现在准备好了。报名参军或许是一件可以让她变得“爷们些”、祛除她的痛苦的事情。此外,虽然对美国的外交政策的看法不再那么黑白分明,她依然认为自己是一名爱国者。“我还记得2007年夏天,我每天都坐在那里,打开电视”,收看来自伊拉克的新闻,她告诉我。“增兵,增兵,增兵。恐怖袭击。叛乱分子……我只是觉得或许我可以有所贡献。”

That fall, Manning reported for basic training at Fort Leonard Wood in the Missouri Ozarks; within a few days, she had suffered injuries to her arm. “The drill sergeants were acting like I was malingering or something,” she said. “But I was like: ‘No, I’m not trying to get out of anything. I just really can’t feel my right hand.’ ” A soldier who spent time with Manning in Missouri later recalled for The Guardian that Manning was routinely called a “faggot.” “The guy took it from every side. He couldn’t please anyone. And he tried. He really did,” the soldier said.

那年秋天,曼宁报名在密苏里州欧萨克的伦纳德伍德堡接受基础训练;几天后她的胳膊受了伤。“教官表现出来的样子就好像我在装病之类的,”她说。“但我的内心独白却是:‘不,我并非试图逃避什么东西。我只是真的无法感知到我的右手。’”一名曾和曼宁一起待在密苏里州的士兵后来向《卫报》(The Guardian)回忆,曼宁常常被称为“娘炮”。“到处都有人这么叫。他无法取悦任何人。他试过。他真的努力尝试过,”那名士兵说。

The Army, in need of more bodies to fight the insurgencies in Afghanistan and Iraq, allowed Manning another shot at boot camp. In 2008, she graduated to intelligence school at Fort Huachuca in Arizona, which to her felt like a kind of community college. There, she was trained to sort what the military terms “SigActs,” or significant actions — the written reports, photos and videos of the confrontations, explosions and firefights that form the mosaic of modern war. Manning told me she fit in well with the intelligence types at Fort Huachuca, who shared her intrinsic geekiness. “There were more like-minded people there,” she said, adding, “It wasn’t ‘Rah, rah, you need to do this.’ They encouraged us to speak up. They encouraged us to have opinions, to make our own decisions.”

亟需更多人员去抗击阿富汗和伊拉克的叛军的美国陆军,在新兵训练营给了曼宁另一次机会。2008年,她完成基本训练,进入亚利桑那州华楚卡堡的情报学院——她觉得该学院有点儿像社区大学。在那里,她学习了如何对重大行动,也就是美国军事术语中的“SigActs”进行分类整理——这一工作所涉的关于对峙、爆炸和交火的书面报告、照片和视频,共同构成了现代战争的马赛克。曼宁告诉我,她在华楚卡堡和搞情报的那些人相处得很好,他们和她一样都有种内在的极客特性。“那里有更多志趣相投的人,”她说。她还表示,“不是‘来,来,你需要做这个’这种。他们鼓励我们说出自己的想法。鼓励我们有自己的观点,做出自己的决定。”

At her first official duty station, Fort Drum in upstate New York, Manning was charged in part with helping to build a digital tool that would automatically track and sort SigActs from Afghanistan, where Manning’s unit initially expected to be deployed. For hours a day, she watched spectral night-vision video and read reports from distant battlefields. Already, she was being exposed to the bloodshed that would serve as inspiration for her leaks. But she was handling the material at a spatial and emotional reserve: She remained, she told me, “eager” to get to the front lines. “I was hungry.”

在第一个服役地点,纽约州北部的德鲁拉堡,曼宁的部分职责是帮助打造自动追踪和分类整理来自阿富汗的重大行动的数字化工具——曼宁所在的部队起初预计会被派驻到阿富汗。她每天花很多个小时观看幽暗的夜视视频、阅读来自遥远战场的报告。她已经见识到日后促使她泄密的那种血腥。但她处理材料时与之保持着空间和情感上的距离:她告诉我,她当时依然“渴望”上前线,“我的渴望非常迫切。”

Through a gay dating site, she met a bookish Brandeis student named Tyler Watkins. She started driving to visit Watkins in the Boston area, where she became a regular at Pika, a Massachusetts Institute of Technology co-op, and visited Boston University’s Builds, a hub of the local hacking community. At the Pika gatherings, she found friends that approached coding the same way she did: as outlet, pastime and calling. She often stayed up late into the night talking. Yan Zhu, then an undergraduate student at M.I.T., remembers Manning as “obviously intelligent,” if “nervous.” It was clear to Zhu that Manning was “haunted by something.” But she never had a chance to find out what: That fall, Manning’s unit was deployed to Iraq.

通过一个同性恋交友网站,她结识了就读于布兰迪斯大学、书卷气十足的泰勒·沃特金斯(Tyler Watkins)。她开始驱车造访波士顿地区的沃特金斯——在那里她成了麻省理工大学(Massachusetts Institute of Technology)的合作生活社区Pika的常客;还曾到访波士顿大学(Boston University)的Builds——当地黑客群体的一个枢纽。在Pika的聚会上,她找到了和自己看待编码的思维一致的朋友:视之为情感的发泄、消遣和使命。当时在麻省理工读本科的朱岩(Yan Zhu,音)回忆说,曼宁“显然很聪明”,虽然“有些焦虑”。朱岩清楚地知道,曼宁那时候“正被什么事情困扰着”。但她从未有机会找出答案:那年秋天,曼宁所在的部队被派往伊拉克。

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