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在矛盾的夹缝中生活,我参悟了平衡的奥秘

更新时间:2017-6-8 18:18:13 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

‘On one side of me, nature is a hobby. On the other, it is a way of life.’
在矛盾的夹缝中生活,我参悟了平衡的奥秘

FLAGSTAFF, ARIZ.

亚利桑那州弗拉格斯塔夫

Tillena Trebon

蒂莉娜·特雷邦

I live on the edge.

我生活在边缘地带。

I live at the place where trees curl into bushes to escape the wind. My home is the slippery place between the suburbs and stone houses and hogans.

我生活在这个树木为躲避大风蹂躏而缩成灌木的地方。我的家在郊区住宅、石头房子和泥巴木屋之间转换。

I see the evolution of the telephone poles as I leave the reservation, having traveled with my mom for her work. The telephone poles on the reservation are crooked and tilted with wire clumsily strung between them. As I enter Flagstaff, my home, the poles begin to stand up straight. On one side of me, nature is a hobby. On the other, it is a way of life.

离开保留地和母亲一起去上班时,我看到了电话线杆的变化。保留地里的电线杆歪歪扭扭,之间胡乱悬挂着电线。进入我家所在的弗拉格斯塔夫时,电话线杆开始变得笔直。在我的一面,大自然是一种兴趣爱好。在另一面,它是一种生活方式。

I live between a suburban land of plenty and a rural land of scarcity, where endless skies and pallid grass merge with apartment complexes and outdoor malls.

我生活在郊区土地富余和农村土地匮乏之间。在这里,一望无际的天空和一成不变的草地,与公寓大楼和露天购物中心融为一体。

I balance on the edge of drought.

我在旱灾的边缘上保持平衡。

In the summers, when the rain doesn’t come, my father’s truck kicks dust into the air. A layer of earthy powder settles over the wildflowers and the grass. The stale ground sparks ferocious wildfires. Smoke soars into the air like a flare from a boat lost at sea. Everyone prays for rain. We fear that each drop of water is the last. We fear an invasion of the desert that stretches around Phoenix. We fear a heat that shrivels the trees, turns them to cactuses.

夏季,不下雨时,父亲的卡车开过后空中尘土飞扬。一层灰尘覆盖在野花和野草上。沉闷的大地上,烈火不断。浓烟窜入空中,如同在海上迷路的船只发出的闪光报警信号。人人都在祈求雨水。我们害怕每一滴水都是最后一滴。我们害怕环绕菲尼克斯四周的沙漠入侵。我们害怕热浪让树木枯萎,把它们变成仙人掌。

I exist at the epicenter of political discourse. Fierce liberalism swells against staunch conservatism in the hallways of my high school and on the streets of the downtown.

我生活在政治叙事的中心。在高中的走廊里和闹市区的大街上,气势逼人的自由主义与坚定的保守主义为敌,不断扩张。

When the air is warm, the shops and restaurants open their doors. Professionals in suits mingle with musicians and artists sporting dreadlocks and ripped jeans. Together, they lament the drought, marvel at the brevity of the ski season.

天气暖和时,商店和餐厅会开门营业。身着套装的职场人士和梳着脏辫、穿着破洞牛仔裤的音乐人和艺术家相谈甚欢。他们一起抱怨旱灾,感叹滑雪季的短暂。

I live on the edge of an urban and rural existence.

我生活在城市和农村共存的边缘。

At my mother’s house, we ride bikes down paved streets. We play catch with the neighbor kids. We wage war with water guns.

在母亲家,我们在铺砌平整的街道上骑自行车、和邻居家的孩子玩接球游戏、用水枪打仗。

At my father’s house, we haul water. We feed the horses and chickens. We chase the fox away from the chicken coop. We watch deer grazing, not ten yards away. We turn the soil in the garden. When the rain and the soil and the sun and the plants give birth to fruit, we eat it straight from the vines.

在父亲家,我们取水、喂马喂鸡、把狐狸从鸡笼旁边赶跑、看着野鹿在不到十码远的地方吃草、给花园翻地松土。当雨水、土壤、阳光和植物共同奉献出果实时,我们从藤蔓上将其摘下直接吃。

Traditional Navajo weaving and prints of Picasso’s paintings adorn the walls of both homes.

两家的墙上,都用传统的纳瓦霍织物和毕加索画作的印刷品作为装饰。

I straddle the innocence of my youth and the mystery of my adult life. That, too, is a precipice. I know I must leap into adulthood and leave the balancing act of Flagstaff life behind. Still, I belong at the place where opposites merge in a lumpy heap of beautiful contradictions. I crave the experiences only found at the edge. As I dive into adulthood, into college, I hope that I can find a new place that fosters diversity in all its forms, a new edge upon which I can learn to balance. 

青少年时期的我天真单纯,成年后充满神秘。这也是一种困境。我知道自己必须迅速适应成年生活,把弗拉格斯塔夫生活的平衡做法留在身后。但我依然属于这里。在这里,截然相反的人和物相互融合,形成一种由矛盾构成的美好。我渴望只能在边缘地带找到的那些经历。随着自己步入成年,进入大学,我希望能够找到一个鼓励各种形态多样性的新地方,一个能让我学着平衡的新边缘。

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