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在家工作的意外插曲:“妈妈,来给我擦屁股!”

更新时间:2017-3-15 11:38:52 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

‘Mommy, Come Wipe Me!’ and Other Perils of Working From Home
在家工作的意外插曲:“妈妈,来给我擦屁股!”

Professor Robert E. Kelly, a political-science professor at Pusan National University in South Korea, sat down on Friday in what appeared to be his home office for a BBC World interview via Skype on a serious subject: the impeachment of President Park Geun-hye.

周五,韩国釜山国立大学(Pusan National University)政治学教授罗伯特·E·克利(Robert E. Kelly)坐在自家办公室里,通过Skype接受《BBC世界新闻》(BBC World)关于一个严肃话题的采访:朴槿惠(Park Geun-hye)总统的弹劾案。

Then his children burst in.

这时,他的孩子们冲了进来。

Soon after the segment began, video footage shows, a toddler casually strolled into his office, punching the air with her elbows. She was soon followed by a baby in a walker. Then his wife slid frantically into the room, grabbed the two kids and herded them out as Professor Kelly remained mostly composed.

从视频画面上看,采访环节开始后不久,一个幼儿挥舞着胳膊晃晃悠悠地走进了他的办公室。很快,一个推着学步车的婴儿跟了进来。然后,他的妻子慌乱地跑进房间,抓住两个孩子把她们拽了出去,克利教授基本上保持了镇定。

Many readers said they could relate to the slapstick interruption of Professor Kelly’s serious moment, sharing stories of disruptions not only from kids, but pets and naked spouses, too.

很多读者表示,克利的严肃时刻被打扰的闹剧让他们想起了自己被孩子、宠物或裸体伴侣打扰的经历,他们很愿意分享自己的这些故事。

Here is a selection of tales received on the website and Facebook page of The New York Times. Comments have been edited for length and clarity.

下面这些是《纽约时报》网站和Facebook页面收集到的故事。出于篇幅和清晰表达的考虑,我们对这些故事进行了编辑。

‘My Child Woke Up’

“我的孩子醒了”

I was on a long conference call with a colleague and some clients, calling in from home as I had a sick child sleeping in the next room. As a subject matter expert, I only had about five minutes of the call in which I actually had to speak, and everything seemed to be going along fine, until my child suddenly woke up, came looking for me to tell me that he felt sick and proceeded to vomit all over the stairs. Which coincided with my colleague asking me to provide the crucial information the client needed from my area of expertise.

我在家里跟一个同事和几名客户举行一个长时间的电话会议,我那个正生病的孩子在隔壁房间睡觉。作为所涉问题的专家,我在那个会上只有大约五分钟是需要讲话的。一切似乎进行得挺顺利,直到我的孩子突然醒了,跑来告诉我,他觉得恶心,吐了一楼梯。当时,我的同事正让我从专业领域给客户提供一些重要信息。

I took the phone off of mute and calmly said, “I’m sorry, my child has just thrown up on the stairs; can I have five minutes?” Client was very gracious, got my kid cleaned up and tucked back in bed then chimed back in acting every bit the total professional.

我把电话上的静音关了,平静地说,“对不起,我的孩子刚才在楼梯上吐了。可以给我五分钟时间清理吗?”客户很宽容,我把孩子清理干净,打发上床,然后以完全专业的姿态回到了会议中。

— DMC, Seattle

——DMC,西雅图

‘Shoved the Pacifier in His Mouth’

“把安抚奶嘴塞到他嘴里”

As a playwright with a new production coming up, I was doing a telephone interview on live radio on the home phone. I thought my baby Sam was asleep in his crib when his deafening cries started. As the interviewer began his next question, I dropped the phone receiver, ran into Sam’s room, shoved the pacifier in his mouth, ran back to the phone and started answering a question I hadn’t heard, trying to use impressive sounding abstract theater jargon that might be applicable. I loved this video, and it made me and thousands of other worker parents feel less alone!

我是一名编剧,当时有一部新戏正要出来,我在家里接受电台的电话直播采访。我以为我的宝宝山姆(Sam)在婴儿床上睡觉,但他突然爆发出震耳欲聋的哭声。主持人开始问下一个问题时,我放下话筒,跑进山姆的房间,把安抚奶嘴塞到他嘴里,跑回电话旁,开始回答一个我根本没听见的问题,试图用一些听起来很厉害的抽象戏剧术语蒙混过关。我很喜欢这个视频,它让我以及其他成千上万的职业父母感觉不只是自己遇到过这种情况!

— Joanna

——Joanna

‘I Looked Up to See My 1-Year-Old Rolling Down the Stairs’

“我抬起头,看见一岁的孩子从楼梯上滚了下来”

Once upon a time I was presenting our monthly numbers to the sales team when I heard a loud bang over and over. I looked up to see my 1-year-old rolling down the stairs with my wife chasing after her. She picked her up and raced back up the stairs. I continued with my presentation and never heard a cry. She logrolled and didn’t hurt herself at all, thankfully!

有一次,我正在向销售团队汇报我们的每月数据,这时我听到一声巨响,然后接二连三又听到好几声。我抬起头,看见一岁的孩子从楼梯上滚了下来,妻子正在后面追她。她把孩子抱起来,飞快地爬上了楼梯。我继续做我的报告,自始至终没听到一声哭泣。她是侧翻着下来的,完全没有受伤,真是谢天谢地!

— Joe Grammatico, via Facebook

——乔·格拉马蒂科(Joe Grammatico),通过Facebook

‘The Candidate Had Locked His Children Out’

“候选人把他的孩子锁门外了”

I am glad professor Kelly was not applying for a job. I was once a member of a panel hiring a school director. We were interviewing a candidate via Skype, and in the middle of it we could all hear a door being pounded. It turned out the candidate had locked his children out of his apartment in an attempt to have a quiet environment for his interview: The kids just couldn’t take it, and started banging the door. It was not a determinant factor in the hiring, but it did cause an impression, and I am afraid it was not positive.

我很庆幸克利教授当时不是在应聘。我曾是一个学校总监招聘委员会成员。我们通过Skype面试一名候选人,在那个过程中,我们都能听见有人在大声敲门。原来,这名候选人把自己的孩子们锁在了公寓外面,以便有一个安静的面试环境:孩子们可不买账,开始使劲敲门。那不是招聘中的一个决定性因素,但它的确给人造成了一种印象——我觉得不是好印象。

— RoseMarieDC, Washington, D.C.

——RoseMarieDC,华盛顿特区

‘Daddy, Whatcha Doing?’

“爸爸,你在干什么?”

This happens to me sometimes when I have to take a call and I’m working from home. My office door opens and I hear, “Daddy, whatcha doing?” Any shushing just prompts him to ask louder. I either put the phone on mute or ask if I can call the person later. Worse is when my two kids get into a screaming match.

我在家办公必须打电话时,有时会发生这种情况。我的办公室门被打开,我听见孩子问,“爸爸,你在干什么?”我要是做出“嘘”的手势,他只会问得更大声。我要么把电话静音,要么询问对方是否可以过一会儿再打。两个孩子开始尖叫比赛时,情况更糟。

— Dhananjay Deshpande, via Facebook

——达南贾伊·德什潘德(Dhananjay Deshpande),通过Facebook

‘The Interviewer’s Husband Walked Into the Frame Completely Nude’

“面试官的丈夫赤身裸体入画”

I once had a Skype interview and, in the middle of the interview, the interviewer’s husband walked into the frame completely nude. I tried my best to keep a straight face while he figured out that I could see him. I’m not certain she knew I had just seen her husband, but we both pretended nothing happened and faked our way through the rest of the interview.

有一次,我通过Skype面试,在面试过程中,面试官的丈夫赤身裸体走进了画面。当他发现我能看见他时,我尽量绷着脸,没笑出声。我不确定她是否知道我刚才看见了她丈夫,但我们都假装什么也没发生,硬撑着完成了面试。

Needless to say, I did not get that job.

不用说,我没得到那份工作。

— Tom, Chicago

——Tom,芝加哥

‘I HAVE LICE’

“我身上有虱子”

My mom likes to tell a story of taking me to work with her when I was little. I couldn’t go to school, but she had a deadline that couldn’t wait. She set me up in a conference room and told me to read and color quietly until she was done. Angry at being shut up all by myself, I made a sign saying, “I HAVE LICE” and taped it to the window of the conference room for all her co-workers to see. Kids are unpredictable.

我妈妈喜欢讲我小时候她带我去工作的一个故事。那次我不能去上学,但她有一个工作任务快到截止日期了,不能等。她把我安置在一间会议室里,让我安静地看书、涂色,等她完成工作。我很生气她把我一个人关起来,于是做了一个牌子,上面写道:“我身上有虱子”,我把它粘到会议室的窗户上,好让她所有的同事都能看见。孩子真是不可预测。

— Emily, Minneapolis

——Emily,明尼阿波利斯

‘He Began Rolling His Toy Trucks Over My Toes’

“他开始用玩具卡车碾我的脚趾”

When I was doing an important telephone interview at home for my newspaper, my youngest son decided I wasn’t paying enough attention to him, and after trying to get my attention and failing to do so, he began rolling his toy trucks over my toes. I can fully relate to this situation. I think it’s hilarious. It’s what comes with having kids.

我在家里为我的报纸进行一次重要的电话采访时,我的小儿子认为我对他的关注不够,在试图引起我的注意而不起效后,他开始用玩具卡车碾我的脚趾。我完全能理解这种局面。我觉得非常好笑。这是养孩子的代价。

— Anne Amato, via Facebook

——安·阿马托(Anne Amato),通过Facebook

‘Mommy, Come Wipe Me!’

“妈妈,来给我擦屁股!”

Oh, this brings back memories. My favorite was when I was on a call with the executive team of the Fortune 500 health insurance company I worked for discussing health care reform when one of my children yelled from the bathroom, very loudly, “Mommy, come wipe me!”

哦,这唤醒了我的很多回忆。我最喜欢的故事是,有一次,我与当时我工作的一家财富500强医疗保险公司的管理层打电话,讨论医疗改革的事,我的一个孩子在卫生间里非常大声地喊道,“妈妈,来给我擦屁股!”

— Ann Kuhns, Sacramento

——安·库恩斯(Ann Kuhns),萨克拉门托

‘My Toddler Decided to Take His Clothes Off’

“我年幼的孩子决定脱掉衣服”

I don’t work from home unless I’m on call. I once took a phone call and stepped outside to get some quiet. My toddler decided to take his clothes off and run around the front yard and then start down the street. So I chased a naked child for a few minutes before negotiating with him to put clothes on. I did a pretty good job of keeping the phone muted when I didn’t need to talk. Except for one time when I said: “O.K. fine, you can stay out here with me, but you have to put clothes on. At least shorts.”

我一般不在家工作,除非轮到我待命。有一次,我接到一个电话,我走到外面,想安静点。我年幼的孩子决定脱掉衣服,在前院乱跑,然后跑到了大街上。所以我就追着一个赤身裸体的孩子跑了几分钟,然后我跟他商量,让他穿上衣服。不需要说话时,我非常小心地把电话静音。只有一次,在我说下面这句话时忘了静音:“哦,好吧,你可以跟我一起待在外面,但你必须穿上衣服。至少穿短裤。”

— Gretal Kinney, via Facebook

——格雷特尔·金尼(Gretal Kinney),通过Facebook

‘The Cats Show No Respect’

“猫才不管这些呢”

I am on the phone all morning while working from home. My talking puts my two dogs fast asleep, and other than the occasional snoring, they are quiet. The cats, however, show no respect. There is a piano just outside my work area, and during a call when I was training a group, the cat decided to jump up on the keyboard and slowly walk on the keys, playing his own tune. Luckily, everyone on the call enjoyed the show and we continued on after completion of the interlude.

我在家工作时一上午都在打电话。两只狗狗听着我的话很快就睡着了,除了偶尔打鼾,他们很安静。而猫才不管这些呢。我的工作区域外有架钢琴,在我通过电话培训一个小组时,猫决定跳上键盘,慢慢地在琴键上走动,弹奏自己的曲子。幸运的是,电话里的每个人都很喜欢这个节目,一曲终了后,我们继续开会。

— Rigaudon, Connecticut

——Rigaudon,康涅狄格州

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