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特朗普时代来临,如何保持心理健康

更新时间:2016-11-13 10:36:40 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

Ten-Step Program for Adjusting to President-Elect Trump
特朗普时代来临,如何保持心理健康

Well, wow. We’ve got a president-elect who a great many Americans regard as the spawn of Satan. A dimwitted, meanspirited spawn embodying the nation’s worst flaws, failings and nightmares.

这个,哇。于是我们选出了这样一个总统,不少美国人都觉得他是撒旦之子。一个又蠢又坏的家伙,象征着这个国家最大的缺陷、失败与恶梦。

But on the lighter side …

不过说到比较光明的一面……

The question today is how to deal with the reality of Donald Trump, next president of the United States. Remember, we’re doing this for your mental health, not his.

今天的问题是如何应对美国下一任总统将由唐纳德·特朗普(Donald Trump)出任的现实。记住,我们这样做是为了你的心理健康,而不是他的。

The bottom line is to presume the best while preparing for the worst. “They killed us but they ain’t whooped us yet,” said Tim Kaine, channeling Faulkner in one of the losing team’s biggest applause lines.

最要紧的是相信会出现最好的情况,同时为最坏的情况做好准备。“他们打败了我们,但我们并没有被打趴下,”蒂姆·凯恩(Tim Kaine)引述福克纳(Faulkner)的这句名言是败选演讲中获得掌声最多的一句话之一。

Forget about moving abroad. Of course it sounds tempting, but you’d be surprised how many countries are unenthusiastic about acquiring new former-American citizens. The Canadians will just keep telling you about their terrific, sensible, well-adjusted young prime minister. Plus there’s that terrible housing bubble in New Zealand.

忘了搬到国外这件事吧。它听起来当然很诱人,但你会惊讶地发现,许多国家对于前美国公民的加入缺乏热情。加拿大人只会不停地告诉你,他们有个理智、稳重、年轻的好总理。另外,新西兰的房屋泡沫也很可怕。

Let’s get more practical. Here goes:

还是让我们来点实用的吧。往下看:

A 10-Step Program for Adjusting to President-Elect Donald Trump

为唐纳德·特朗普当选总统做心理调整的10个步骤:

1) Start with a night of heavy drinking. Already done that? Good, you’re on your way.

1)从一个喝到烂醉的夜晚开始。已经这么干了吗?不错,你已经上道了。

2) Acknowledge that Donald Trump is not crazy. Obviously, he has been known to act crazy in public. But if you met him at a private social occasion you would probably find him to be a fairly pleasant person.

2)承认唐纳德·特朗普并不疯。显然,人们都知道他在公共场合表现出疯狂的样子。但如果你在某个私人社交场合见到他,你可能会觉得他还是个挺让人愉快的人。

I say that as someone who once got a letter from Trump telling me I had the face of a dog. But the next time I saw him at a lunch meeting he was fine. Told interesting jokes about how much money he got for product placement on his TV show. Obviously, this isn’t the equivalent of “Theodore Roosevelt reincarnated.” But we’re trying to work with what we have here.

说出上面这番话的我曾经收到特朗普的一封信,他说我长着一张狗脸。但我下一次见到他是在一个午餐会上,他显得什么事也没有,还拿他在自己的电视节目里植入产品广告能赚多少钱开着有趣的玩笑。显然,这没法跟“西奥多·罗斯福(Theodore Roosevelt)转世”相比,但我们正在努力适应眼前的现实。

3) Trump has the attention span of a gnat, but if he appoints reasonable and intelligent people to his cabinet, the government could run O.K.

3)尽管特朗普的注意力只能持续很短的一段时间,但如果他任命聪明理性的人担任自己的内阁成员,政府还是可以正常运转的。

It will be easy to tell if this is not going to happen: Attorney General Rudy Giuliani.

这种情况是否会发生,很容易判断:司法部长是鲁迪·朱利亚尼(Rudy Giuliani)。

4) Ditto with foreign affairs. Trump has seemed pretty hands-off when it comes to international involvement, so perhaps with the right advisers, he might take a moderate approach that would disappoint the Republican hawks.

4)外交事务也是一样。在谈到国际参与时,特朗普显示出相当程度的不干涉态度,所以如果有了正确的顾问,他可能采取温和的方式,让共和党鹰派大失所望。

Tip-off that this one’s a non-starter: Secretary of State Newt Gingrich.

提示一下,这位可能的人选可不是什么新手:纽特·金里奇(Newt Gingrich)来当国务卿。

5) If you’re worried about social issues, remember that until fairly recently, Trump was a rather liberal Manhattanite.

5)如果你担心社会议题,请记住,直到前不久,特朗普还是一个相当自由主义的曼哈顿人。

But just in case, you might want to write out a large check to Planned Parenthood.

但以防万一,你可能会想开一张大额支票给计划生育方案。

6) When it comes to big domestic policy questions, to Trump they’re just applause lines or bargaining chips. Anything could go either way.

6)至于重大的国内政策问题,对于特朗普来说,它们只是煽动掌声的精彩句子或是讨价还价的筹码。不管什么事情都可以商量嘛。

While that’s not necessarily calming, it’s better than assuming he actually believes all the stuff he says. What kind of program could he really, really get his heart and soul behind? The only thing I can imagine is a multitrillion-dollar Donald Trump Historic Biggest Ever Infrastructure and 50-State Golf Course Building Program.

虽然这话不一定能安慰人,但是总比假设他真的相信自己说过的所有话要好。什么项目才能让他真正全身心投入?我唯一能想到的,就是价值成百上千万亿美元的“唐纳德·特朗普史上最大基础设施与50州高尔夫球场建设计划”。

7) About the election results: Don’t let people tell you that the vote proves half the American population is racist. There’s another reasonable explanation for Trump’s victory. In most presidential elections, people decide between change and continuity. Hillary Clinton was running to continue the Obama legacy. After a president serves two terms, Americans generally vote for change, and the other party’s nominee.

7)关于选举结果:不要听其他人说的投票结果证明一半的美国人是种族主义者。特朗普的胜利还有另一个合理的解释。在大多数总统选举中,人们都要在改变和连续性之间做出选择。希拉里·克林顿(Hillary Clinton)是在争取延续奥巴马的遗产。在总统连任两个任期后,美国人一般会投票支持做出改变,也就是另一党派的提名人。

Yeah, I know — those people yelling the N-word or “Sieg heil!” at the rallies. But if you dwell on them, you’re not going to want to go out of the house anymore. Think of it as basically a change/no change election. Plus some deplorables rattling around the basket.

是的,我知道――那些人在助选集会上大喊着那个N打头的字,或者纳粹的“胜利万岁!”(Sieg heil)。但是,如果你总想着这些人,那你简直不能再出家门了。把这当成是一个本质上是在改变/不改变之间做选择的选举吧。它只是附加了一些可厌的杂音罢了。

8) We ought to give anybody a second chance, even if it’s Donald Trump. “We now are all rooting for his success,” said President Obama. Really, you do not want to be one of those people like, um, Omarosa Manigault, Trump’s director of African-American outreach, who told a reporter on election night that when it came to enemies, “Mr. Trump has a long memory and we’re keeping a list.”

8)我们应该给所有人第二次机会,就算是唐纳德·特朗普也不例外。奥巴马总统说:“我们现在都支持他的成功当选。”真的,你不想成为那些人中的一员,比方说,特朗普的非裔美国竞选顾问奥马罗萨·马尼戈特(Omarosa Manigault),竞选之夜,她告诉一名记者,说到敌人,“特朗普先生有着好记性,我们有个名单。”

Now that’s the kind of attitude that might come in handy if you’re a repeat contestant on a cheesy reality show like “The Celebrity Apprentice.” But obviously that has nothing to do with being chief executive of the United States.

如果你是《名人学徒》(The Celebrity Apprentice)那种粗俗真人秀里的一名重复参赛者,现在那种态度可能会派上用场。但是显然,成为美国政府的最高行政长官则是另一回事。

9) Try to think about some of the other election results on Tuesday that were more positive. Some states passed new gun control initiatives. Others raised the minimum wage, and several legalized recreational marijuana. Which will definitely come in handy over the next few years.

9)想想周二其他一些更积极的选举结果吧。一些州通过了新的控枪议案。其他一些州提高了最低工资,还有几个州实现了娱乐用大麻合法化。这在未来几年肯定会派上用场。

10) At Thanksgiving, if your family keeps trying to trade Trump insults, redirect the conversation to that great Chicago Cubs World Series win.

10)感恩节的时候,如果你的家人还在你一句我一句地侮辱特朗普,就把谈话引到到芝加哥小熊队(Chicago Cubs)在棒球世界大赛中的伟大胜利上去吧。

It may be a hard meal to get through, but remind yourself that a couple of days later, our president-elect is scheduled to take the witness stand in a Trump University fraud trial.

这可能是难以咽下的一餐,但是你要提醒自己,几天后,我们的总统当选人还得依照计划站在特朗普大学欺诈案的证人席上。

There’s always a silver lining.

黑暗中总有一线光明。

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