您现在的位置: 纽约时报中英文网 >> 纽约时报中英文版 >> 观点 >> 正文

如何向一位母亲通知她孩子遇害的消息

更新时间:2016-9-7 10:32:36 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

How to Tell a Mother Her Child Is Dead
如何向一位母亲通知她孩子遇害的消息

First you get your coat. I don’t care if you don’t remember where you left it, you find it. If there was a lot of blood you ask someone to go quickly to the basement to get you a new set of scrubs. You put on your coat and you go into the bathroom. You look in the mirror and you say it. You use the mother’s name and you use her child’s name. You may not adjust this part in any way.

首先,穿上你的白大褂。我不管你记不记得把它放到哪里去了,总之要找到。如果身上有很多血迹,就请人赶紧去地下室找一套新的手术服。把白大褂穿上,然后去一趟卫生间。盯着那里的镜子,把话说出来。句子里要用上母亲的名字和孩子的名字。这部分不可有任何变动。

I will show you: If it were my mother you would say, “Mrs. Rosenberg. I have terrible, terrible news. Naomi died today.” You say it out loud until you can say it clearly and loudly. How loudly? Loudly enough. If it takes you fewer than five tries you are rushing it and you will not do it right. You take your time.

我举个例子:假如是我的母亲,那你就说,“罗森伯格夫人。我有一个非常非常不幸的消息要告诉你。娜奥米今天去世了。”大声练习,直到可以清晰而响亮地说出来。有多响亮?要够响亮。如果没有练到五遍,那就是你太着急了,不可能做好。要花足时间。

After the bathroom you do nothing before you go to her. You don’t make a phone call, you do not talk to the medical student, you do not put in an order. You never make her wait. She is his mother.

从卫生间出来之后,径直去找她,中途不要干任何事情。不要打电话,不要跟医学学生讲话,不要去开单子。千万不要让她等。她是死者的母亲。

When you get inside the room you will know who the mother is. Yes, I’m very sure. Shake her hand and tell her who you are. If there is time you shake everyone’s hand. Yes, you will know if there is time. You never stand. If there are no seats left, the couches have arms on them.

一走进房间你就会知道谁是那位母亲。是的,我非常确定。跟她握手,告诉她你是谁。如果有时间的话,应该和所有人一一握手。是的,你会知道有没有时间。千万别站着。如果没有多余的座位,沙发上还有扶手。

You will have to make a decision about whether you will ask what she already knows. If you were the one to call her and tell her that her son had been shot then you have already done part of it, but you have not done it yet. You are about to do it now. You never make her wait. She is his mother. Now you explode the world. Yes, you have to. You say something like: “Mrs. Booker. I have terrible, terrible news. Ernest died today.”

你必须决定,要不要问她已经知道了哪些情况。如果是你给她打了电话,告知她儿子中枪一事,那你已经做了一部分工作,但尚未完成任务。现在得接着往下做。千万别让她等待。她是死者的母亲。现在你要让她的世界崩塌。是的,必须如此。可以这样说:“布克夫人,我有一个非常非常不幸的消息要告诉你。欧内斯特今天去世了。”

Then you wait.

然后你等在原处。

You will not stand up. You may leave yourself in the heaviness of your breath or the racing of your pulse or the sight of your shoelaces on your shoe, but you will not stand up. You are here for her. She is his mother.

不要站起来。你也许会感到自己呼吸沉重、脉搏加速,或者一直瞄着自己鞋子上的鞋带,但不要站起来。得在这儿陪着她。她是死者的母亲。

If the mother has another son with her and he has punched the wall or broken the chair, do not be worried. The one that punched the wall or broke the chair will be better than the one who looks down and refuses to cry. The one who punched the wall or broke the chair will be much easier than the sister who looks up and closes her eyes as they fill.

如果她身旁跟着另外一个儿子,而后者开始捶墙或者毁坏椅子,不要焦虑。捶墙或者毁坏椅子的人,要比低下头忍住哭泣的人好过。捶墙或者毁坏椅子的人,要比在泪水充满眼眶之际仰起头闭上眼睛的姐妹好过很多。

Security is already outside the room and when they hear the first loud noise they will know to come in. No, you will not have to tell them. They know about the family room in the emergency department in summer in North Philadelphia. It is all right. They will be kind. If the chair cannot be sat in again that is all right. We have money for new chairs every summer. If he does not break your chair you stay in your chair. If he does you find a new place to sit. You are here for the mother and you have more to do.

安保人员已经等在门外,听到第一个大的响动,他们便知道该进来了。是的,你不必告诉他们。他们了解夏日里北费城急诊室的家属休息室。没事的。他们会很友善。如果椅子不能坐人了,也没什么。每个夏天我们都会拿出钱来购买新椅子。如果他没毁坏你的椅子,那你就坐在原处。如果他弄坏了你的椅子,那你就重新找一个座位。你是为那位母亲而留下的,你还有别的事要做。

If she asks you, you will tell her what you know. You do not lie. But do not say he was murdered or he was killed. Yes, I know that he was, but that is not what you say. You say that he died; that is the part that you saw and that you know. When she asks if he felt any pain, you must be very careful. If he did not, you assure her quickly. If he did, you do not lie. But his pain is over now. Do not ever say he was lucky that he did not feel pain. He was not lucky. She is not lucky. Don’t make that face. The depth of the stupidity of the things you will say sometimes is unimaginable.

如果她向你提问,你就告诉她自己知道的信息。别撒谎。但不要说他被谋杀了或者遇害了。是的,我知道这是事实,但你不要这样说。你该说他去世了;这是你所看到、知道的。当她问起儿子死前是否感受到疼痛,你必须非常小心。如果他不曾感受到疼痛,那你应该迅速向她保证这一点。如果他曾感受到,那你也不要撒谎,告诉她不过现在疼痛已经过去了。千万别说什么他很幸运,没感受到疼痛之类的话。他并不幸运。她也并不幸运。别做出那样的表情。你的话有时会蠢到令人难以想象的程度。

Before you leave you break her heart one more time. “No, I’m so sorry, but you cannot see him. There are strict rules when a person dies this way and the police have to take him first. We cannot let you in. I’m so sorry.” You do not ever say “the body.” It is not a body. It is her son. You want to tell her that you know that he was hers. But she knows that and she does not need for you to tell her. Instead you tell her you will give her time and come back in case she has questions. More questions, or questions for the first time. If she has no questions you do not give her the answers to the questions she has not asked.

离开前,你会再度让她伤心欲绝。“不,很抱歉,但你不能去看他。针对以这种方式故去的人有严格的规定,警方得先行查看。我们不能让你进去。非常抱歉。”千万别提“尸体”二字。那并非一具尸体。那是她的爱子。你想要告诉她,你知道那是她儿子。但她知道你明白这一点,不需要你告诉她。你该告诉她的是:会给她一些时间;只要她有问题,你就会回来。可能是更多问题,也可能是头一个问题。如果她没有发问,不要就她没提的问题给出答案。

When you leave the room, do not yell at the medical student who has a question. When you get home, do not yell at your husband. If he left his socks on the floor again today, it is all right.

离开房间后,不要对向你提问的医学生大吼。回到家里时,不要吼你的丈夫。如果他今天又把袜子扔在了地板上,也没什么的。

“全文请访问纽约时报中文网,本文发表于纽约时报中文网(http://cn.nytimes.com),版权归纽约时报公司所有。任何单位及个人未经许可,不得擅自转载或翻译。订阅纽约时报中文网新闻电邮:http://nytcn.me/subscription/”

相关文章列表