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如何在独身旅行时交朋友、谈恋爱

更新时间:2015-2-8 9:04:10 来源:纽约时报中文网 作者:佚名

A Solo Traveler’s Guide to Meeting People
如何在独身旅行时交朋友、谈恋爱

When you are traveling solo, it’s not always a breeze to strike up a conversation with a stranger.

独自旅行时,与陌生人攀谈并不总是那么容易。

In fact, how do you meet other single travelers or locals in the first place? And if you’re looking for friendship — or even something more — how do you ensure that amid all the fun you don’t neglect to take safety precautions?

实际上,第一个问题是:你如何遇到其他单身旅行者或当地人?如果你想交个朋友——甚至谈场恋爱——你怎么确保在享乐的同时没有忽视安全防范?

Before we get to tactics, it’s helpful to know that you are likely to be rewarded for overcoming apprehensions about approaching someone new when you’re on the road.

在我们讲述具体策略之前,知道下面这一点可能会对你有所帮助:在旅途中克服接近陌生人的恐惧很可能会给你带来回报。

“Its easy to imagine all the ways things will go badly or believe that this person doesn’t want to connect,” said Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. But if you reach out, he continued, “almost everybody reaches back.”

“人们很容易去想像各种尴尬场面,或者认为对方不想交谈,”芝加哥大学布思商学院的行为科学教授尼古拉斯·埃普利(Nicholas Epley)说。他继续说道,但是如果你主动攀谈,“几乎所有人都会回应”。

Social scientists have found that making such connections, whether traveling or not, boosts happiness, and yet strangers in proximity “routinely ignore each other,” as Dr. Epley and his colleague Juliana Schroeder put it in the Journal of Experimental Psychology last year. During a series of nine experiments, they saw again and again that we underestimate other people’s interest in connecting.

社会科学家们发现,不管在旅行中还是平时,进行这样的交往能增加幸福感,不过就像埃普利博士和同事朱莉安娜·施罗德(Juliana Schroeder)去年在《实验心理学杂志》上说的那样,离得很近的陌生人“通常会忽略彼此”。在一系列九个实验中,他们一再发现,我们低估了其他人的交往兴趣。

How to break the ice then? Dr. Epley suggests simply saying to that stranger on the bus or in the cafe: “Hi, I’m visiting. Can you tell me what I ought to see in town?”

那么如何打破沉默呢?埃普利博士建议,只用在公交车上或咖啡馆里对陌生人简单地说:“嗨,我正在旅行。你能告诉我城里有哪些地方一定得去看看吗?”

“Everybody loves to brag about their city,” he said.

“谁都喜欢吹捧自己所在的城市,”他说。

Or offer a compliment, he suggested. “I think you’re just best off in your relationships if you’re transparent with people.” (This is not to gloss over any genuine concerns about talking to strangers, Dr. Epley said. But we’ll address those in a bit.)

他的另一个建议是赞美对方。“我觉得,只要你真诚待人,就一定会在人际交往中如鱼得水。”(埃普利博士说,这么说不是为了掩饰与陌生人交谈的真正隐患。不过我们一会儿再讨论那些问题。)

As experienced solo travelers know, opportunities for pleasurable connections are everywhere: trains, planes, parks, bars, museums, walking tours, group hikes. Yet should all that fail, technology provides seemingly innumerable ways to increase the odds. Obviously dating websites and apps like OkCupid and Tinder can facilitate in-person get-togethers around the world. Yet the travel industry has its own tools, designed not specifically for romance, but for friendship.

经验丰富的单身旅行者都知道,到处都有跟人愉快交往的机会:火车上、飞机上、公园里、酒吧里、博物馆里、徒步游览或集体远足时。但是如果这些都没给你带来机会,那么科技似乎能给你提供无数交往机会。显然,OkCupid和Tinder这样的交友网站和应用程序为在世界各地当面聚会提供了便利。但是旅游业也有自己的工具,不是专为恋爱设计的,而是为友谊设计的。

I’ve previously written about some of these websites and apps, including Highlight and Planely. The app Skout enables travelers to meet locals or one another wherever they are, be it a concert in London or a soccer game in Barcelona. More recently there’s Tripr, which allows travelers to find others who will be in the same place. But if you’re seeking a like-minded companion, a couple of veteran sites deserve another look.

我之前写过这样一些网站和应用程序,包括Highlight和Planely。应用程序Skout能让旅行者与当地人或其他游客相聚——不管是在伦敦的一场音乐会上,还是巴塞罗那的一场足球赛上。Tripr是一款较新的应用程序,它能让将去同一个地方的旅行者找到彼此。但是如果你想寻找志同道合的旅伴,有几个老网站值得你再去看看。

Unlike a lot of start-ups aimed at connecting travelers, Couchsurfing.com was founded in 2004 and has grown to some nine million members. You may know it as the purview of frugal travelers who see the world by sleeping on the couches and air mattresses of strangers, but it’s also a great way to meet other solo travelers and locals — even if you don’t crash on their couches. Some 120,000 cities worldwide offer weekly Couchsurfing art gallery tours, hikes, dinners or gatherings in coffee shops and bars. (Becoming a member of the site is free.)

与很多旨在把旅行者联系在一起的新应用程序不同,Couchsurfing.com成立于2004年,已拥有约900万会员。你可能以为它只是给穷游者用的,他们通过在陌生人家的沙发或充气床垫上过夜来游览世界,但实际上它也是结识其他单身旅行者和当地人的好办法——即便你不在他们的沙发上睡觉。全世界约有12万个城市每周都举办Couchsurfing艺术馆参观、远足活动、咖啡馆和酒吧聚餐或聚会(你可以免费成为该网站的会员)。

In addition to joining events, you can also reach out to other members who have set their “hosting availability” status to “wants to meet up,” meaning that while their couch is unavailable, they’re happy to meet for coffee or be a resource while you’re visiting their city.

除了参加这些活动,你还可以联系那些把“招待”状态设定为“想会面”的会员,意思是虽然他们不提供沙发,但他们很乐意跟你一起喝个咖啡,或者在你去他们所在的城市旅行时为你指点一二。

Another digital stalwart is VirtualTourist.com, which offers tips and reviews from fellow globe trekkers and has been around since 1999. That means you’ll find a true online community, a deep well of people with whom to interact. Members have profiles that may include photos, their hometown, travel interests and where they’ve been. Each member’s travel tips are tied to his or her profile, and should you like what you read or have questions, you can message the user. Who knows, maybe you’ll even get together offline. Once you’re on the ground in a city, you can meet dozens of people at once by attending a cocktail hour, group run, or tour through the worldwide events site Meetup.com.

另一个资深网站是1999年创建的VirtualTourist.com,它提供全球旅行者的小贴士和评论。那意味着你将找到一个真正的在线社区,遇到一大群可以交流的人。会员档案可能包括照片、故乡、旅行兴趣和去过的地方。每个会员的旅行贴士都是和他/她的档案连在一起的。如果你看到喜欢的内容或者有些疑问,可以给那个用户发消息。谁知道呢,你们也许甚至会在线下见面。你每到一个城市,只要参加全球活动网站Meetup.com组织的鸡尾酒会、集体跑步或游览,就能一下子遇到几十个人。

While meeting someone new is exciting and can be deeply fulfilling, such overtures must be balanced with safety measures. Even Couchsurfing, which refers to strangers as “friends you haven’t met yet,” has a page devoted to safety, warning members to trust their instincts (“If a person, situation or profile seems unsafe for any reason, move on. Don’t worry about seeming rude”) and know their limits (“Partying like a rock star might be fun, but it puts your safety and well-being in the hands of others”). For women, especially, the site advises being educated about your destination’s cultural and religious norms and to “be clear about your boundaries and don’t be shy about stating them.”

虽然结识新朋友令人兴奋,让人很有成就感,但同时也要注意安全。Couchsurfing网站把陌生人称为“你尚未见面的朋友”,甚至连它也有个页面专门讲述安全问题,提醒会员相信自己的直觉(“如果某个人、某种情况或者某人的档案因为任何原因让你觉得不安全,那么赶紧离开。不要担心自己显得很粗鲁”),知道自己的底线(“在派对上像摇滚明星那样玩可能很有趣,但也会把你的安全和健康置于他人手中”)。该网站特别建议女性了解目的地的文化和宗教习惯,“清楚自己的底线,不要羞于表明自己的态度”。

At the same time, Dr. Epley said most people are not interested in taking advantage of you. “The person who wants to take advantage of you wants to find you immediately,” he explained. It’s different when you’re the one who decides to initiate a conversation. “When there’s random selection, you don’t have that risk of being targeted,” he said.

不过,埃普利博士说,大部分人没兴趣占你的便宜。“想占你便宜的人会立刻找上你,”他解释说。而当你是主动攀谈的那个人时,情况就不同了。“如果是随机选择,你就没有被盯上的风险,”他说。

Solo travelers are often told to keep friends and loved ones informed about where they’re going and when (including the time they expect to return), know which neighborhoods to avoid, and learn local emergency numbers. Additionally, consider registering with the nearest United States Embassy or consulate at Step.state.gov/step. This allows the embassy to reach you in an emergency (natural disaster, civil unrest) and family and friends to contact you if there’s an emergency.

单身旅行者大多都知道,要让朋友和爱人知道自己的目的地和到达时间(包括期望返回的时间),要知道提防哪些邻居,要知道当地的应急号码。另外,你可以考虑在Step.state.gov/step上向最近的美国大使馆或领事馆进行登记。这样,大使馆可以在紧急情况(自然灾害、社会动乱)下通知你,你的家人和朋友也可以通过大使馆联系你。

You may also want to memorize words such as “help,” “police” and “fire” in the local language, and have a plan for how you’ll get back to your hotel anytime you’re out after dark. If you are in a place where there’s no mass transit or if mass transit is not safe at night, have the number of a taxi service with you. If you use Uber, make sure the photo of the driver that appears on the app matches the face of the person who picks you up. Also, the Uber app has a “Share my ETA” option that allows you to send someone your whereabouts and estimated arrival time. (Before I even get into a car I send the driver’s name, car make and my destination to a friend or family member.)

你可能也需要记住用当地语言怎么说“救命”、“警察”和“失火啦”,想好天黑后如何返回酒店。如果你去的地方没有公共交通工具,或者公共交通在晚上不安全,随身带上一家出租车公司的电话号码。如果你用Uber打车,要看清来接你的人和应用程序上司机的照片是否相符。Uber应用程序也有“分享我的预计到达时间”这个选项,你可以把你的行踪和预计到达时间发给某个朋友(我甚至在上车前就把司机姓名、车的品牌和目的地发给一个朋友或家人)。

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